Quintin Jardine's blog

Like many Scots, I woke up this morning to read a hysterical outburst against our First Minister by that clown among clowns, the self-aggrandising Donald Trump.

For non-Scots, this is the story. A few years ago, The Donald showed up in Scotland and announced that he wanted to build a billion-dollar golf resort on a sensitive piece of the Aberdeenshire coastline. He would create, he said ‘The world’s greatest golf resort,’ as if Scotland has no track record or expertise in that area, and as if St Andrews has no claim to filling that slot already. To the embarrassment of some and the annoyance of even more, the red-haired bampot was welcomed and taken seriously by our government. Consent was given eventually for his project, over-riding some serious environmental concerns, and those who argued against it and refused his mighty dollar, were abused, vilified, bullied, and threatened. Whatever The Donald wants, it seems, The Donald gets, and woe betide those who stand in his way.

Yet all along, there were those of us who know the east coast weather all year round and who wondered whether the geniuses who advised our new-found patron had done any sort of research into this aspect. If his exposed new course was to be enclosed in a huge perspex bubble, fair enough. If not, might it not prove to be just a wee bit too wet and breezy for your average multi-millionaire out on a golfing spree?

Doubts began to emerge last June, when The Donald let it be known that while the course would be completed, (in fact, that sort of project cannot be put on hold) the rest of it, the five-star hotel, the villas, Trump Boulevard, the timeshares, and of course the golf academy, would all have to be put on hold because of ‘the global financial crisis’. His announcement was greeted with scepticism,and even a few cries of  ‘Aye sure’. Since then nothing more had been heard until today, when the Great Man turned, without warning, on our First Minister, the man who made him overly welcome to our nation in the first place. His beef? The Scottish Government has been asked to approve a plan for eleven offshore wind turbines which, he claims, will be within sight of his golf resort, and offensive to  the eyes of his wealthy potential investors. That’s it then, folks; Trump doesn’t like it , so it mustn’t happen. In other words The Donald is demanding the right of veto over  Scotland’s renewable energy policy.

I’m not going to quote from his open letter, because it is too stupid and too offensive. It is also a front for the blinding and inevitable truth; the man has realised that his grandiose pipe-dream is destined to be a massive loser, and he has decided to cut his losses and get out, behind the smokescreen of abuse that has been his trade-mark since his arrival on our shores.

For an individual who claims to be such an expert in Scotland’s history, he would do well to consider the fate of Proud Edward’s Army, as he flies off, homeward, to think again.

Funeral Note, the next Skinner, which is due for publication on May 24, is available for pre-order on http://www.CampbellReadBooks.com in hardback at £14.99 (RRP £19.99) and trade paperback at £9.99 (RRP £13.99), post free within the UK. All copies will be signed, unless you’d prefer yours pristine. As my step-son Dom once said, in Spanish, they’re going like hot Magdalenas.

Poor old Harry. On the very day after his name was cleared after years of besmirching, he is about to have his professional reputation trashed for all time. Unless he takes himself out of the frame, or the FA does it for him, he is about to be frogmarched into the England football manager’s job, a poisoned chalice that goes all the way back to Danny Kaye’s Court Jester. (Google it, if you have to.)

The man who has just left the job achieved a better win ratio in four years that even the great Sir Alf Ramsey, but that counts for nothing to the majority, as represented this morning on BBC by the fat buffoon who is Garth Crooks, a man whose label as ‘a former footballer’ might be described by a crueller man than I as a gross breach of the Trade Descriptions Act. Yes, it was easy to hate Capello because he was Italian and  lacked the basic ability to communicate with his players in their native language. However it is undeniable truth that all of his predecessors, other than those who were short-term ‘caretakers’, yes, even the great Sir Half, wound up slinking away from the post,some under gross media vilification, rather than being applauded all the way to a happy retirement.

Does Harry really want that?

Jesus, he’s as old as me, and my application will NOT be going in. You see the trouble is, the England job is getting more and more difficult with every passing year. It has one great and overriding limitation under current regulations. These do not allow the British nations to hand out passports after ten minutes to any Brazilian who owns his own boots, as is done in the likes of Israel and Portugal. Thus, the England team manager can only pick English players, at a time when their numbers and quality are in what seems to be an irreversible decline, thanks to a corrosive combination of European law and the nature of the Premier League. Ask an expert (or any punter in the street)  to list the best players in the current England squad, in alphabetical order, and he might say Cole, Ferdinand, Gerrard, Hart, Lampard, Parker, Rooney and Terry. Of those players, all but Hart and Rooney are over thirty, over the hill, and will not be around for the next World Cup. Are their replacements players of equal quality? No. Is the current England squad in the same class as Spain, Germany, Holland, Brazil, Argentina? In the majority of those cases, no. Are those nations improving? In the main, yes. Can England expect improvement in the future? On current evidence, no.

Don’t touch it, Harry. Stay at Spurs, remain a folk hero and leave the likes of Shearer, Southgate or Psycho (but not Becks; he’s much too smart) to choose the vessel with the pestle, or, more likely the flagon with the dragon.

Following  the Redknapp/Mandaric verdict, it came as more than a small surprise to me when it was revealed that Mandaric had been tried last year on similar tax evasion charges and acquitted. Why was I so taken aback? Because the UK media had been prevented from reporting the fact, and the co-defendants had been barred from talking about it. By whom? By the court; that’s an assumption because I haven’t seen it reported as fact. At whose instigation? HMRC/the Crown; also a guess, for the same reason.

So far nothing has been made of this, and that astonishes me. It may be that the media have been overwhelmed in reporting the aftermath of the trial, and have had neither the time or the editorial space to look at this aspect. If so, I hope they find some damn quick, because many of us would like to know why the fact of Mandaric’s earlier acquittal had to be maintained as a state secret. Of course I can almost hear the arguments being put in court; ‘prejudicial to a forthcoming trial’ and so forth, but I cannot see the fairness in their being accepted. I am also astonished that the UK media, in its entirety, swallowed the ban and did not find ways of breaking it.

It is an established principle of UK criminal proceedings that the previous convictions of an accused person are kept from his trial jury, in fairness to him. But surely previous acquittals constitute evidence of good character, and it is just as unfair to keep them from a jury as it would be to reveal a criminal record. I suspect that the judge in the trial just concluded may have agreed with me, for he went out of his way to tell the jury in his summing up that they were men of good character.

There are several aspects of the Redknapp/Mandaric case that warrant examination; the length of time that the investigation, the conduct of the City of London police in carrying out staged, wholly unnecessary, ‘dawn raids’ at Redknapp’s home, and the aggressive attitude throughout of HMRC culminating in the shameless statement its representative made yesterday on the courthouse steps, with its final ugly, damage-limiting threat, that sounded as it if it had come straight from Big Brother’s PR department.

The only argument that I can see against such an enquiry  would be that the two men who were injured by the fiasco want simply to walk away from it undamaged, and to have nothing more to do with the matter. If so, after all that time, they deserve that right.

Congratulations, Harry R and his friend Milan M. After a five year  investigation that was fairly vicious at times, the jury made it clear what it thought of the prosecution case. So did the judge, from what I’ve read of his summing up. I hope that those responsible for  these failed proceedings will be called to public account, as soon as possible. Every one of us relies on the expertise and fairness of HMRC, and both of these have been brought into question.

‘I try to leave out the parts that people skip.’— Elmore Leonard

As I write this, the media is buzzing with anticipation of the outcome of the meeting between the England team manager, Sergeant Major Capello, and the FA’s suddenly emboldened chairman, David Bernstein. Will Fabio be fired for criticising his boss’s decision to fire John Terry as England captain? I’d  suggest that before Mr Bernstein does anything hasty, he should wait for Harry Redknapp’s jury to come back in.

‘I love being a writer. What I can’t stand is the paperwork.’ — Peter De Vries

Paper? What’s paper?

Scotland Rugby’s newly retired stand-off, Dan Parks, seems to be taking some stick for leaving the international game after having something of a howler against England rather than before it. Unfair. He didn’t pick himself, the coach did, and he didn’t rip the starting jersey from the hands of a younger, fitter, and now better player, the coach did that too. Remembering that Parks carried the side through the 2010 international season and won three man-of-the-match awards out of five, he should be leaving with our thanks ringing in his ears, not complaints that he played one game too many.

The Tramuntana, our north wind from Hell blew all night, rattling shutters and everything else, to the extent that sleep was impossible. When we looked out this morning we discovered that it’s wrecked half the garden. Not pretty.

‘The art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe.’— Gustave Flaubert

Actually Gus, it’s the art of summoning up the energy to begin and the willpower to see it through to a conclusion.

Thank you, kinswoman. Once a J always a J. I love our motto: ‘Cave Adsum‘, which, roughly translated, means ‘Watch it, I’m here!‘. Mind you I have never worked out how our family came to be a Scottish clan. As I understand it, the first record of its British existence has us among William the Conqueror’s invasion force at the Battle of Hastings, although there’s a theory that before that we were Norse who settled in France. I have no idea of the basis on which the current  ‘Chief’, young Sir William  Jardine, Baronet, lays claim to that title, but here’s a suggestion. How about having an election for the position? When that happens, I’ll be open to nomination. Let the word go forth, until it reaches Applegirth.

A point for all the low foreheads to note, and try to understand, along with the football truism, ‘They don’t boo bad players’ (other than Vinnie Jones). Over the last two seasons, Manchester United have conceded 0.86 goals per game in the Premier League when Rio Ferdinand has played, compared with 1.15 without him. To save them doing the sum, that suggests that in a full season, he would be worth + 11 to United’s goal difference.

While Paul L was on the way to winning, our little Mia and her parents were stopping over in Doha Airport, on the way back from holiday. At one point, when Dom was away somewhere, Frida was sitting with the wee one, who is four months short of two years old, very blonde, very gorgeous and very lively. They were approached  by an arab bloke, who leaned over Mia, peered at her and asked if she was a boy or a girl. When Frida told him, he said, ‘Too many girls in the world,’ and walked away. She and Dom were really upset by that incident, and so am I, so upset that I’m not going to tell you what I’m thinking. But possibly, you can guess.

Well done Scotland’s own major winner, Paul Lawrie, in striking a blow for all forty-somethings by winning the Qatar Masters yesterday. Okay, there will be those who will say that it was only a three-round tournament, but I doubt if that will  worry Paul as he banks the money, benefits from the world ranking points and enjoys his extra year’s tour exemption. He will point out also that he won by four shots, which doesn’t leave much room for doubt.

I didn’t see all of the Chelsea Man U game, but I saw enough to make me very angry. Every time Rio Ferdinand touched the ball he was booed loudly by the Chelsea support. Why? Because he is the brother of Anton, who is at the heart of the John Terry controversy, the person whom Terry is accused of abusing racially. In his prime Rio was a far better player than any defender in the Chelsea squad, and even now probably still is, so perhaps jealousy had a little to do with it. But I don’t believe that it had. No, I see it as the unacceptable face of English football coming to the fore yet again, giving force to Rio’s suggestion last week that perhaps institutional racism persists among its followers, for all the multi-ethnicity of its players.

A friend has just asked me to circulate the following, which has been sent to parents by her daughter’s school. Happy to do so, Pat.

Facebook’s Timeline: information for students

What is Facebook’s Timeline?

Timeline is one of Facebook’s biggest developments and changes the way your

Facebook page is displayed. Every post, photograph, comment, status and

other update you have ever posted will feature in scrolling chronological order,

telling a story of your life.

Can I opt out of Timeline?

Timeline will not be optional. Even if you don’t choose it now, your account will

be switched over to Timeline in the near future. You can turn it on early but

you won’t be able to turn it back off.

What you need to know about privacy

Timeline changes your Privacy Settings, including settings for past posts, images, tags and updates.

By default, Facebook chooses Public or Open Privacy Settings for you when you

switch to Timeline. It can be risky to accept Facebook’s default

Public or

Everyone

privacy settings. You might end up sharing personal, private

information with strangers. Click on

Privacy Settings and work through all

options carefully to tidy your Timeline before it goes public. What you think is

Facebook-worthy now might embarrass you in the future. Many universities

and employers now check Facebook profiles to help them choose the right

candidate.

Timeline’s 7 days

Once you switch on Timeline you will have 7 days until it’s published. That gives you one week to check all

Privacy Settings, delete anything you no longer want and tidy your page.

What now?

You can choose to convert to Timeline now or wait until it happens automatically.

Once your Timeline is switched on, use the 7 day preview period to tidy your profile before it is published.

Check the Privacy Settings of everything you’ve ever posted before (Past Posts). Remember that unless you

change Privacy Settings, items you would like to keep Private may become Public.

Summary

1. Learn as much as you can about Timeline before you sign up, especially Privacy Settings

2. Plan how you want your Timeline to look

3. Use the 7 days to delete anything that might embarrass you in the future – how will it look 10 years from

now?

4. Check every Privacy Setting carefully

5. Only once you’ve checked everything will you be ready to publish

Reference

Timeline puts your life in Facebook’s hands

by New Scientist 07/01/2012

Facebook Timeline Looms: What You Need To Know

by PC World 29/01/2012

12 Things You Should Know About Facebook Timeline

by PCMag 25/01/2012

Facebook Security Best Practices

from Sophos

Thanks, Margaret. It’s important to AJ and to me that everyone is pleased with the service they receive from CampbellReadBooks, so I’m happy to hear that you were. Every one of my titles bought from there will be signed, it’s probably the only store in the world that will stock my entire backlist, and pricing is competitive also.

I should have mentioned that one thing I seem unable to get on Canal + is cricket. Mind you, at this moment, I’m not looking too hard.

Last year I binned Sky TV in Spain, (where you’re not supposed to have it anyway, but many ex-pats do) reckoning I could get through the winter with just a Freesat box. Wrong. My spirit is weak. But I haven’t gone back to the Dirty Digger and son, no, I’ve signed up for Canal +, and after the inevitable teething troubles I can report that it’s better. There is even a clever wee button on the remote that allows me to select the original language when available. Most of the time I don’t use it, though. ‘Sac d’esquina’ sounds so much more interesting than ‘corner kick’, and a Targeta Roja means ‘You’re off!’ in any language.