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Archive for April, 2013

The mills of God

April 30, 2013 2 comments
Categories: General, Politics

Impression

April 24, 2013 25 comments

On Monday, in common with around 10 million other people, I watched the conclusion of Broadchurch. Turned out I’d guessed, correctly who’d done it. When he was unmasked I thought his motive was pretty facile and didn’t buy into that at all. That may have been because the man who played him wasn’t capable of putting it over in a way tahat I believed.

If he wasn’t he was the only one who fell short. I’ll tell you how big an impression it made, and one player more than any other.

I’ve been writing the Skinner stories for well over 20 years now. I’ve done countless public events and I’ve been asked countless times who I see as Bob, if it ever made telly. I’ve given many different answers yet in all that time I have never sat down to write and found any actor’s face forcing itself upon my personal vision of my lead character.

Until yesterday morning,when I sat down to write a first person Skinner chapter and found that David Tennant was doing the talking.

Categories: General

Where I went during yesterday’s tea break

April 23, 2013 2 comments

Categories: General, Pics

The world economy explained with two cows

April 23, 2013 4 comments

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM 
You have 2 cows
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM 
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

BUREAUCRATISM 
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION 
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has died.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you do not know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks.
You eat both of them.
The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF.
The IMF loans you two cows.
You eat both of them.
The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk.
You are out getting a haircut.

AN IRISH CORPORATION
You have two cows
One of them’s a horse!

 

Categories: General, Politics

Mr Angry

April 23, 2013 1 comment

In the wake of the Luis Suarez munch-in, I’ve just watched BBC Breakfast  trying to keep up by running an interview with an ‘Anger management consultant.’ I had a problem with in; the guy looked so smug and self-satisfied that he made me want to thump him.

Categories: General

Some man, that Jose

April 12, 2013 7 comments
Categories: General, Sport

Idiotic

When it comes to kicking people when they’re down, the Scottish Football League has few equals, as it proved yesterday.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/22085474

Its problem is that it is kicking itself. The game is in such a parlous state that if sanctions were applied to every club that is technically bust, there would be only three or four left.

Categories: Sport

World domination

April 7, 2013 6 comments

It had to happen, I suppose. Goodreads, which did a decent, impartial job until now,  has been bought by Amazon. Will this never end, until Jeff Bezos is revealed by Doctor Who to be a malign alien entity and is blasted into cosmic dust. Why do people get steamed up about Starbucks, who make a decent cup of filter coffee, hyet ignore the Kim Jong-un of the retail industry?

Categories: General, Politics

What you can do with Dad’s iPad when you’re two.

April 7, 2013 4 comments
Categories: Videos

Jackboot tactics

I’ve just heard a Volkswagen radio ad that struck me as offensive. It targeted, specifically, small business by offering to match any written quote by an independent local garage for servicing a used VW. ‘Local’ is defined as within five miles of their nearest service base, and of course ‘terms and conditions’ apply, for example, there’s an upper limit of two litres on engine capacity. (Henceforth anyone thinking about  buying a Volkswagen with a bigger engine should bear in mind that the manufacturer doesn’t fancy it too much.)

To me that is straightforward bullying, but that’s the way the Germans behave in the EU, (ve vill not talk about ze var) so why should I be surprised?

Categories: General, Politics