Quintin Jardine's blog

For several years I’ve used AOL as my internet service provider. I was happy with it, until one day a terrible thing happened. The client book of AOL UK was bought by the disastrous Talk Talk, an organisation whose customer service makes Hell look like a holiday camp. It took a while for the worst to happen, but it did. UK mainstream broadcasting has been accused of dumbing down in recent years, but it’s still pretty highbrow compared with the shit that greets me whenever I sign on to my ISP. You see, they have this ‘Welcome page’. Welcome to the underclass, welcome to the underworld. It might be ideal for certain groups, for example an infinite number of monkeys, or people who add comments to stories on the Daily Mail Online, but to those with a few brain cells left working it’s an insult.

Thing is, not only do I have no interest in what Katie Price had for breakfast, I find the whole cult of the modern meeja celebrity offensive. I don’t care who Katie’s slagging this week; if some singer gets out of a car clumsily, with no knickers on, (would that be the **** of the celebrity?) that’s her  problem; I’d pass Draconian privacy laws that would fill our prisons with Paparazzi and the people who publish their output. Who killed Princess Diana? Our bloody media did, by creating a climate in which she felt compelled to run from these hyenas.

But as far as AOL UK is concerned, such objections have no weight. They’re on a mission; they began by catering for the lowest common denominator, and now they’re trying to drag it down. In the process, whenever I go to check my email their drivel is forced on me, like it or not.

Well, in the fictional but immortal words of  the doubly late Howard Beale, (those who are entertained by AOL will assume that he was an EastEnders character) I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more. Five days ago, I told them as much, and asked them to send me a MAC code, the thing you need when you’re changing your ISP. This morning I received an email from some prat in ‘customer services’, (‘Tea-break’s over, back on your heads’) refusing to do so. That’s actually illegal, as he’s going to find out. A few months ago they gave me three months’ service for half-price (still way too much) and they seem to think that makes me their slave for another year. Wrong. Cogito, ergo sum, and Talk Talk/AOL UK whose business seems to be trying to disprove that fundamental principle, are about to find out what it means.