Quintin Jardine's blog

A 21-year-old Glasgow girl tells her Mammy that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to SemiChem and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting and crying, the mother says, “Who was the effin’ pig that did this to you?  I want tae know!”  Without answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call.  Half an hour later, a Bentley stops in front of their house.  A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and wearing a Crombie coat and a Rolex steps out and comes inside.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, “Your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation but I’ll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

“Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli, a condo in Miami, and a $1,000,000 bank account.”

“If a boy is born, my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a $25,000,000 bank account.”

“However, if there is a miscarriage, I’m not sure what to do.  What do you suggest?”

All silent at this point, the mother, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him, “Yis’ll try again.”