Home > Uncategorized > Thank you, Leon

Thank you, Leon

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that – 2:30am?!

Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.


I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl.

I kept thinking to myself, please don’t get an erection, please don’t get an erection… but she did.


Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite?

All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.


Paddy says “Mick, I’m thinking of buying a Labrador .”

“Blow that” says Mick – “have you seen how many of their owners go blind”


My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker.

Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.


I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.

At first I was afraid…….then I was petrified.


What’s the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One’s a superhero and the other is an instruction.


I was explaining to my husband last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.

He said “I would like to come back as a pig.”

I said “You’re obviously not listening.”


Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it’s been eaten.

It’s called a wedding cake.


I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said “I love you.” She said “Is that you or the beer talking?”

I replied “It’s me talking to the beer.”


The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.

So I have been down to Red Cross to get all her clothes back.

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