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Last word on Suarez

When Tom (Tiny) Wharton, a Scottish football referee of my youth, passed away a few years ago, many stories were told about him, but this is my favourite:

While refereeing Hearts one Saturday, Tiny had particular trouble with a veteran winger named Johnny Hamilton, who was known for leaving his dentures in a glass in the dressing room during the game. Finally his patience was exhausted. He called the player to him (when Tiny called, you went) and said solemnly, ‘Mr Hamilton, the time has come for you to rejoin your teeth.’

Perhaps that is the simplest solution to Luis Suarez’ behavioural problem. Aesthetically it might not be a bad thing either, from his viewpoint, since the set with which God equipped him gives him an unfortunate resemblance to Francis the Talking Mule.

Categories: Sport
  1. Shirley Gash
    June 28, 2014 at 10:15 am

    Funny you should say that, David was on face book with an old work colleague who thought Suarez legs should be broken ….David replied “Just take his teeth out” Now that would solve his problems….a bit drastic, but hey, if it works!!!!!

  2. June 28, 2014 at 1:44 pm

    One of HIS old colleagues, Shirl?

  3. Fergus
    June 28, 2014 at 2:07 pm

    The guy’s a nutcase with big, big problems. Think Hannibal Lecter; if he ever plays again, he should be made to wear a mask. Then again, think Mike Tyson and look what happened to him. Dogs have to wear masks, people that bite other people should be treated in the same way.

  4. June 28, 2014 at 2:24 pm

    Yes, what did happen to Tyson? He bit off a piece of Evander Holyfield’s ear and spat it out. For that he was fined $3m by the boxing commission, and his boxing licence was revoked for just over a year. For a guy who might fight only once a year anyway, that was no big deal. As for the fine, once he paid it he was left with $27m in change from his purse from the fight. During his absence from the ring he was paid $3m by the WWE to appear in Wrestlemania XIV, so effectively nothing happened to him. After that, he was free to carry on with his career, and five years later made another $20m for being pole-axed by Lennox Lewis.

    Suarez is by all accounts a nice boy off the pitch with some bad habits on it. Hannibal the Cannibal he is not. Nor is he a convicted rapist. In this instance even his victim is saying, ‘Wait a minute …’

  5. Fergus
    June 28, 2014 at 2:46 pm

    Yes, I understand that completely, I think. When people are being paid telephone numbers, nothing is ever a big deal. Tyson did go to jail however for other things and maybe this guy needs help before it gets any worse or maybe it won’t but, in any case, there is no place for that sort of behaviour on any pitch in any sport. Anybody bite you on the golf course? I hope not. A punch on the rugby pitch is what it is and gets sanctioned but there is something stange about biting people….kind of in your face.

  6. June 28, 2014 at 4:50 pm

    When golf becomes a contact sport, anything might go.

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