Quintin Jardine's blog

Every heard of a film called United Passions? No? God, you’re lucky.

Said turkey premiered in the USA last Friday, June 5. In its opening weekend, it grossed a staggering $918 in box office takings, staggering because that is not a mistype; I have omitted no zeros, not a single nothing. To put that in context, the US box office opening weekend record is held  by Marvel’s The Avengers, which grossed $207,438,708.

For those who give a toss about wasted resources on a global scale, United Passions is a French-made English language ‘drama’ about the origins of FIFA, the world’s most discredited sporting organisation. It cost around £20m to produce and 90% of that was covered by FIFA itself, making it one of the most expensive examples of vanity publishing every recorded.

It stars a number of hitherto respected actors, including Tim Roth, whose distinguished  filmography includes major roles in Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, and Rob Roy, for which he won a BAFTA, and who is now wishing he had never, ever allowed his agent to talk him into playing Sepp Blatter.

He is joined in the stellar cast by Gerard Depardieu as Jules Rimet, Sam Neill as Joao Havelange, Martin Jarvis as Sir Stanley Rous, and Thomas Kretschmann as Horst Dassler, the dark figure behind FIFA and Havelange, and a man who would be on the FBI’s list for sure had he not been conveniently dead since 1987.

This sleazy product is not yet available on Amazon UK, only on the French site. If it is ever offered I may buy it, if only to find out how bad it is. At the moment, my greatest objection is to the use of the word ‘United‘ in its title, in case it leads the unworldly to imagine that it has any connection with Old Trafford.