Quintin Jardine's blog

Thanks for that. It’s a privilege to be set alongside Mr Robinson. If I didn’t live where I do, I think I’d choose his home city, Toronto, as my base.

The next Skinner’s written already, Wee Jean, and the one after that. Look for A Rush of Blood in June.

Rant away, Madam. I agree with most of what you say. But I can see why DC has focused on the cult of the personality. (As has Nick Griffin, only it’s spelt slightly differently in his case.) He has no choice. These TV debates are great entertainment for some, but they have the potential to inflict huge damage. My prophesy of a week ago is being fulfilled. Because of them we are now looking at Nick Clegg, who was a nonentity a month ago, as the man who will determine the nature of our next government, if he doesn’t actually form it, regardless of the fact that his party has a wish list rather than a joined-up, practical manifesto. Because of them we are now taking Vince Cable seriously and talking about him as our next Chancellor, a job for which he’s no more qualified than my granny, and she’s been dead for 42 years. I would like to think that this craze will work itself out, and that we will get back to sensible electioneering, but I think not, because it’s media driven, and because two of the three parties involved are enjoying it too much. It’s a sign of the desperation of Captain Barbossa that he agreed to the events something which he will be regretting in a couple of weeks as he drives to the Palace to hand in his resignation, and for the rest of his life.

Oh yes, Lisa, you ask where has George Osborne gone? He’s hiding behind Ken Clarke. Would you like me to place a bet now? Cameron will be the next PM, but Osborne will not be the next Chancellor.

I can’t be the only man in Britain who wishes that all the election hoopla was over and we could get on with the serious issues that each of our party leaders (with the exception of the Greens) are avoiding like the plague. I can’t be the only man in Britain who’s decided not to watch the leaders debate, which can only favour the outsider, given the runners and riders in this particular race. I don’t believe that they are serving the public interest at all; indeed the exclusion of Alex Salmond, who would have run rings round the other three is, in my view a blow against democracy. Yes, these shows have become an automatic feature of US elections. However,  those are presidential, while ours are not. The only saving grace is that a week will elapse between the third of these shambles and polling day, allowing time for the clouds of vacuity to dissipate, and for the public to realise that the Lib Dems don’t have any more principles that the rest.

But will things be resolved on May 7? If only, but I don’t believe so. I fear that the whole thing is a disaster about to happen. There will be a hung parliament. Where we need clarity there will be obscurity. Where we need decisive leadership we will have fudge and compromise. We will stumble along for another year or so, and then we’ll be doing the whole thing again.

I can see one small ray of hope in the gloom. If the SNP wins sufficient support in Scotland to influence the next administration, then maybe it will secure a fully autonomous Scottish Government within a United Kingdom, and make me a happier man. But am I holding my breath? No.

Oz is no longer in the land of the fictionally alive, but he snuffed it off stage, somewhere between the publication of the prophetically titled For the Death of Me, and Inhuman Remains.

It doesn’t take long to find my work in audio form. Most of them are available on audible.com or .co.uk.

Yes, Grant, L’Escala really is that nice. For self-catering accommodation, I can recommend Can Roura or Villas Coll in St Marti, or you could rent an apartment through Villa Service. If you’d prefer a hotel, the Nieves Mar is pretty good.

A Rush Of Blood will be on audio as soon as Isis can get it out there, after printed publication. I suspect that Jim Bryce, man of many voices, will be hard at work very soon.

What’s the big British election issue, so far? The economy, stupid, but should it be? The crisis goes beyond our shores and thus the long-term solution isn’t entirely in our government’s hands either, whoever’s in the hot seat. Sure, we must have surety and competence in its planning and management, but there are other aspects of the public administration that shouldn’t be overlooked. Nobody is going to die because they’re paying tax at 50p in the £ . . . but they might because of the attitudes and actions of some people in that bracket. Twice in the last month, I’ve heard stories of friends who were taken suddenly ans seriously ill. Each called their doctor for assistance. One was told he could be seen that evening, the other that a doctor would phone him back in an hour.

Each patient was forced to by-pass the GP level and go to hospital. The former was having a heart attack; the latter required major abdominal surgery. In spite of, rather than thanks to, the primary care service, both  people are now on the road to recovery, but how many others aren’t?

I’ll pause at this stage to emphasise that this isn’t a personal complaint. The rural medical practice that looks after me, and my family, could not be better. They are our friends, and they respond speedily to all the community’s needs. I wish the whole system was the same, but it can’t be. The pressures on large urban practices have to be greater. Nonetheless, they shouldn’t be killing people. What are you going to do about it, Gordon, Dave, Nick and Alex?

No, it’s not off limits at all. ‘Poor Oz’ is not how I, nor many other people, see him.  Over the years I let him evolve as a character, and in the process he did some things that weren’t really sustainable, morally. When I felt that I didn’t want to be around him any longer, I let him go, in a way that was meant to be permanent. Does that sound enigmatic to you? Good.

Good to hear from you, Braveheart. I’m impressed by your old man’s powers of concentration.

Tiger’s back. Now 149 other PGA Tour card-holders can breathe much more easily, with their cash-cow returned to the pasture. Hopefully he and Mrs Woods will come to private terms over a matter than was never public business in the first place, and we can all concentrate on him doing what he really does best.

Most hopefully of all, we will near no more of Mr Billy Payne, the chairman of Augusta National Golf Club, who so forgot himself in his opening remarks at this week’s Masters that he took it upon himself to  deliver a public lecture to one of his honoured guests and past champions, an outburst so presumptuous, out of place and offensive that even the establishment BBC’s commentary figures, who have good need to be nice to the Augusta Committee, were moved to comment on it.

Here’s how it is Billy. Tiger Woods is Tiger Woods and you’re just the chairman of a bunch of rich guys from Georgia whose ancestors managed to build their connections with another rich guy, Bobby Jones, into a modern major golf championship, even though it shouldn’t be since it’s an invitation event not open, with those entry passes in the hands of Billy and his ilk. You are of no real consequence, and neither are your views.

As I write, Tiger is four under after four holes of the second round. After such a tie away, he’ll struggle to win, but I hope he does, if only to see the look on Mr Payne’s face. Such are the arcane rules of the place that the ill-fitting, bad taste green blazer  that is the winner’s only trophy can’t be taken out of the club. (Here’s your prize buddy, but you can’t have it. Jack Nicklaus has six; I wonder if even one shows any sign of wear.) That’s a pity, because I’m pretty sure that if the Tiger could take one home, he’d use it to polish the Escalade . . . or maybe he’d give it to Stevie; that would really wind them up.

I’m coming to London, but only for a meeting. Be back again soon, though. By the way, you can be as extravagant as you like.

Thank you, Colonel, and yes, we surely do. We Scots regard that as a form of punctuation, an alternative hyphen. Indeed I’ve known people who could slip two of them into a single word. I appreciate your suggestion, but I’m not about to accede, I’m afraid. I have to tell you that US police ranks are just as complex, probably more so since you have a much more complicated network of forces and agencies, but I can’t recall a single American colleague doing on his work what you suggest I do on mine. The lack of such a foreword has never impeded my enjoyment of anyone’s story-telling. Surely it’s how the characters inter-relate that matters most, not where they’re placed on the ladder?

Twin blasts from the past, half a century ago. Christ, we’re old. Of course I’m me. Who else would I be? I remember you well from those days, when the west of Scotland moved east for the month of July. Much of my childhood was spent huddled behind a windbreak on the Donkey Beach, which I can now see across the water, every time I walk my grand-dog. (If you want to meet him, look me up on Facebook.) I’ve lost touch with everyone from those days, the survivors, that is. Robin Austin died in a plane crash in 1968, and my friend Kenny Crawford, whom you might also remember, left us about fifteen years ago. I haven’t seen Charlie Shearer in that time either. What took you to Saint Lucia, Joan? A friend of mine is from that island.

The latest in a  long line of banana skins to slide out from under the feet of our beloved Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, AKA Captain Barbossa in this blog, (the Skipper’s spending a lot of time on his arse these days) seems to be the controversy surrounding a drug called mephedrone. Already it’s led to a series of resignations from the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs.

Let’s face it, Gordon, if you set up an advisory body of people with a broad range of expertise on any subject and then tell them what their advice should be, you’re wasting their time and a lot of public money. For all that, the rump of the committee seems to have done what it’s been told by recommending that mephedrone and other so-called legal highs should be given a Class B rating and effectively outlawed.

How sensible is this? Yes, there have been some deaths linked to mephedrone, and every one is a tragedy. But does anyone in government believe seriously that its action will ensure that there are no more? If they do they shouldn’t be there. The most significant global criminal enterprises all have to do with the supply of illegal substances; now Captain Barbossa and his crew in their wisdom have effectively opened a new branch of their business. Does it make sense to you? I’m scratching my head. You might think that the consequences of the Volstead Act taught somebody something, but it seems not.

I know  this is a sensitive subject, bit . . . I heard a young doctor on telly this morning make an interesting point. He chose his words carefully, but in essence this is what he said. In our society, people have always taken stimulants socially, to give them a lift, as part of the process of relaxation. Yet the only one that the law allows is alcohol, which is in fact a depressant, and is linked to so many deaths that the truth is swept under the table, far, far more fatalities than those caused by synthetic compounds that might carry no risk at all if their manufacture was regulated and supervised properly. However it’s taxed  savagely, as we all know, so that seems to make it okay.

Is it too much to ask of the government, that instead of telling its advisors what to think, it should take the cuffs off them completely and as them to report on the whole issue of the regulation and criminalisation of all substances, natural and synthetic?

In case anyone gets the wrong idea, I’m not arguing the case for drugs here. For the last twelve weeks, for the first time in my adult (and truth be told, adolescent) life, I have eschewed alcohol. (Bugger! Now I’ve told you I’ll have to stick to it!) With that and some other dietary adjustments, my weight has dropped in that time from 102kg to 88kg. (Work it out for yourself if you want that in old money. I express it in kilos because there are fewer of them.) So, I’m not recommending that anyone should take anything legal or otherwise. But what I am saying is that maybe society should consider, objectively, whether its members should have a greater right to choose what they put into their own bodies.

A Rush of Blood isn’t out till June, so no, Norah, there isn’t a chance that Skinner 21 will be out for Christmas. However, while it’s known (or well-documented, to borrow a favourite phrase of footballers et al) that my current deal with Headline takes Skinner up to book 24, I don’t have any plans to stop there. I’m here for the duration. New characters evolve all the time, and new ideas. The ‘surprise’ book? We’ve having a meeting in London in a couple of weeks, and I’ll know more then. Of course, I’m full of surprises.

Antipathy among women to female characters is something I see occasionally, Audrey. Maybe you can explain it; I can’t. However, I will say in the lady’s defence that the character has changed from the earlier books. She’s much more responsible these days, and in my view (okay, my male view) more likeable. Enjoy Easter in Gullane, and sure, if you see me, say hello. (That’s very close to the title of one of Bob Dylan’s nicest songs.)

Thanks for the compliment, but that’s not what I set out to do. Be sure of this; there are certain characters who are sacrosanct, and that person is one. Your reaction’s a wee bit over the top, no? We’re not talking Tiger Woods, here. (Incidentally, in days of long ago was it Esso that used the slogan ‘Put a Tiger in your tank’? They wouldn’t dare. Would they?)

So will I, Pauline, so will I. Heath said he would do it in 1973; I was there when an MoD minister came up to look at possible sites in Glasgow. Never happened. Callaghan promised dispersal five years later, then picked the smallest department he could find, ODA, and moved some of it, screaming, to East Kilbride. But this time, Bootstrap Bill actually made the promise during his Budget Speech; if his lot are returned they may find it difficult to wriggle out of that. There’s another subtle difference. This time the proposal is based on cost-cutting, not job creation.

However, even that has the seeds of deception. Half of the 1000 Ministry of Justice jobs that Darling waved before the House  will be moved out of central London, but will remain in the greater London area. The other half? Well, that’s a little vague. The MoJ press release that followed the Budget includes the telling phrase, ‘where value for money is demonstrated’. In short, the proposal may have been floated , but already we know where the lifeboat is. And by the way, it’s all part of a programme that won’t be completed until 2015, in the unlikely event that it ever is.

With any luck, this will be academic. An MP friend told me months ago that the big day will be May 6, and the media seem to agree with her. Sooner the better, then we can have the hung Parliament that   may offer the best route to complete Scottish separation from Westminster.