Archive
Ken Dodd
Okay, as you’ve seen, I can post videos now. What do you think of the show so far?
I’ve been assisted in this by a WordPress guy called Phil, who has helped me through, ironing out a couple of glitches in the process. Phil has the best job title I have ever seen, and he lives up to it. WordPress call him a ‘Happiness Engineer’.
Lance
As I’ve said in an earlier post, I have no idea of the truth in the Lance Armstrong case, but a few things about it seem just a little smelly to me. I am always wary of the zealots at the head of anti-doping agencies around the world, and of their methods.
That’s why a report I’ve just read seems to me worthy of independent investigation. A day after the Armstrong papers were released by the USADA, with its slightly sinister head, Mr Travis Tygart securing world-wide personal media coverage, it has been announced that five of Armstrong’s former team-mates have been given doping bans, reduced to six months each because they gave evidence against him. They will do their time over the winter and will be free to compete next year. If that is not suborning witnesses, then what the hell is?
When a kangaroo court is assembled, the smart play is usually to ignore it, and leave it to jump to its heart’s content. That’s what Armstrong and his legal team have done . . . so far. Let’s see where this finishes
Question
This is awful stuff, but I’m concerned that the lady making the allegations ‘waived her anonymity’ to tell her story to ITV. Why would she have to do that? Her claims would have been no less serious even if her name had been kept out of it.
Jimmy Savile and the two-faced watch
It has become impossible to miss the stuff that’s coming to the surface about the late Sir Jimmy Savile. If it’s true, am I shocked? Yes, very. Am I surprised? No, not very.
I had occasion to meet Sir Jimmy in the late 70s, when he was on a visit to the state mental hospital in Carstairs, Scotland, that being one of my civil service responsibilities at the time. I accompanied him on a tour of the place; it was, as you’d expect, full of very disturbed people, and I was struck by the way that he was able to communicate with all but one of two of them. He spent a couple of minutes with as many as he could and left each one calmer and happier than they had been. I’ve never forgotten that; the man had a genuine and unusual gift.
However I still remember also, the Jimmy who sat later and chatted with the small group of invited journalists who had been with us. As I listened to him, I tried to get a grip of the depth of the man, to see what made him different. But I couldn’t; he seemed entirely two-dimensional, as if his true self was hidden behind a very thick wall. But he let one thing slip. On that day he was wearing a wrist watch, or rather two wristwatches on a single strap, one front, one back. Someone asked him why. His reply: ‘Well, as it ‘appens, it’s like this. If you’re with a young lady in certain circumstances, it means you never need to move your arm to see what time it is.’
Seems that more than Jimmy’s time-piece may have been two faced.
Added October 6.
But then again, a few days down the road, and I’m disturbed for another reason. People are coming out of the woodwork with tales of abuse. They may well be genuine; let’s say they are. However they are not proven. Yet this morning I heard a BBC executive declare JS guilty, when he said that there is no doubt these things happened.
Sorry, mate, but while all this seems to have been an open secret, if his hand-wringing contemporaries are to be believed as they rush to distance themselves from potential scandal, not a single charge was laid while all these allegations were allegedly taking place. JS was never put on trial. Indeed a police investigation into a complaint was dismissed out of hand.
Now that Jimmy is dead, of course, there is no burden of proof, and in the current climate, anyone who comes forward to declare that he had horns under that hair and a hole in the ‘Jim’ll Fit It’ chair to accommodate his tail will be given a ready hearing and presented as a credible witness.
What we’re seeing now is a media lynch mob. If that doesn’t disturb you, it should.
Dave Haesler
FYI, a ‘Taggart moment’ is when a normally controlled character turns into a curmudgeonly Glaswegian and starts barking at his subordinates in the manner of the late and much missed Mark McManus, who conferred immortality upon that surname.
Marguerite Adam
Killed off Aileen? Are you sure about that?
Some further Ryder thoughts
Two Ryder Cup memories say with me this morning.
I watched it in Spain, via the Golf Channel on Canal + (if only we could access that in the UK; much better than Sky). When it was all over and the craziness was in full swing, its camera and mike picked up a private moment between Ollie, the captain and Luke Donald, who was given the massive task of winning the first game against Bubba Watson, a guy who could have been designed to play the long Medinah course, and who delivered. The voices were indistinct until the end, when Luke was heard to say, ‘Thank you for trusting me.’ That’s what team management’s about, boiled down: inspiration through trust.
Then there’s Tiger. He will be crucified in the US press for delivering only half a point out of a possible four, and maybe also for conceding a very missable putt on the last that turned a tie into a European victory. Nobody will suggest that he was badly used and badly served by his captain, in being put out three times with the same player, in a combination that should have been split up after its first loss, and in being put out in the last of the twelve singles matches, which, with USA’s four point overnight lead, was long odds against being significant. Nobody will suggest that, but it’s true.
Funky hot Medinah
To all the people who cheered when our players’ shots found sand or water and when their putts lipped out.
To all the people who laughed when one of our guys babied a chip.
Most of all to the guy who shouted ‘**** you, Seve!’ beside the 16th tee on Saturday afternoon.
To all of you, a thousand thanks, for without your added inspiration, our Ryder Cup team might not have done it.
But they did, and now they are legends, especially the bug-eyed monster that is Ian Poulter, the terrible time-keeper that is Rory McIlroy, the slightly bewildered forty-something that is Paul ‘Chippy’ Lawrie, the emotional wreck that Jose-Maria Olazabal became, and the lad who turned into Martin Kaymer again when it really, really mattered.
JT
Obviously, I don’t know John Terry, but I’ve never cared for his behaviour towards opponents or officials, and I don’t like his public image. I have no idea whether he’s a racist or not, but I’ve seen the Youtube video, and am of the opinion that even if his defence is correct, that he was denying earlier use of those specific words, it shouldn’t be acceptable to shout ‘******* knobhead’ at an fellow professional, so he’s entitled to a few games in the stand for that alone. He is, I read, still considering whether to appeal. If that relates in any way to the fact that it leaves him free to play against Arsenal this weekend, then it adds cynicism to the charges against him.
If he is currently acting on advice, then I believe it to be wrong. If I had his ear I would be saying to him that he needs to put this behind him and try to retain, and even regain, a little respect. I’d be telling him to issue a statement along the lines of, ‘While I continue to deny being a racist, or having any intention to racially abuse my opponent, if that connotation has been put on the words that are evident in the video in the public domain, then I apologise wholeheartedly to him, his family and to everyone else who has been offended. I respect the verdict of the independent commission and will begin my suspension immediately. In addition, I will donate a further sum equivalent to the amount of my fine to anti-racism charities and will campaign actively on their behalf in future.‘
If he does that and means it, the rest of his life could be different. Will he? Let’s wait and see.
Secret squirrels
A fine and disturbing piece by Kenneth Roy in the Scottish Review:
http://www.scottishreview.net/KennethRoy20.shtml
The transcript of a capital trial, held in public, that led to a young man’s execution, is being withheld from public scrutiny until 2038. Why? The person with the greatest interest in its contents hasn’t been around since he was hanged in 1963, and the trial judge is long dead. So is the Minister who refused several appeals for clemency, including one from the family of the victim. All that being the case, who’s being protected by the state from public scrutiny? I’d like to know. Wouldn’t you?
One law?
One small observation on the Andrew Mitchell affair. If he shouted the words he is alleged to have shouted at police officers, in an aggressive manner, why hasn’t he been charged?
Dissatisfied customer
Yesterday I had an email from Marks & Spencer urging me to write a customer review for a pair of shorts I purchased on line. Occasionally I buy stuff on Amazon’s marketplace; when I am satisfied there I will always post a positive review of the seller’s performance . . . but not the product; to me the two are unrelated. When I am not, I won’t. However I do get a little annoyed when the UK’s biggest clothing store tries to make me a voluntary arm of its marketing process. So I wrote a review, and submitted it; I couldn’t keep a copy, as it was on an M&S pro forma, but this is what it said, more or less:
I am posting this review because the pushy sales people at M&S asked me to. This is a mediocre garment and not under-priced in any way. It fits me and it meets my needs. However I cannot tell whether it will fit you or meet yours. In other words, I am not in a position to offer encouragement or discouragement to potential buyers. Now that I have done as they asked I hope that the pushy sales people at M&S will go away and will stop trying to use me to influence other innocent shoppers.
This morning I received another email from M&S. Surprise. My review has been rejected on the ground that it did not meet one or more of the company’s guidelines. I’ve just looked at those and can’t find a single clause that would have disqualified it from publication: other than this . . . it wasn’t what M&S wanted me to say.
Back on track
Having an easy day, after a week of family events and Mia-minding. Back on course tomorrow with Primavera 5. Primavera 4, titled Deadly Business, will be released on January 31. And here’s some advance info; in it, I will kill off a major character.
Vanja Ingold (and everyone else who’s asked this question lately)
The publication date for Skinner 23 is now showing on the Headline website, and soon on CampbellReadBooks. It’s called Pray for the Dying and it’s been scheduled to escape on June 6, 2013. I’ll let you know if that changes.
Por favor
This isn’t likely to get a result, but on the off chance:
I am very interested to make contact with the hijo de puta in the ticket booth at Barcelona airport railway station yesterday, who sold me a day ticket to Figueras, but who neglected to mention that there was a strike in progress, which meant that I had no chance of actually making it to my transfer station in time to make a connection. I didn’t discover this until I processed my ticket at the entry barrier and went on to the platform, to find thousands of people waiting there in the same state of blissful innocence. I hadn’t been there long when there was an announcement to the effect that the next train for San Celoni would arrive in thirty minutes, by which time the numbers on the platform would probably have doubled. That information was offered in Castellano and Catalan only, and was therefore incomprehensible to the newly arrived tourists who made up a significant percentage of the crowd.
I made it home, thanks to the kindness of my bro-in-law who drove 120km to collect me, down a road and through a city he did not know, but that does not dilute in any way my keenness to spend five minutes alone with the son-of-a-bitch who sold me that ticket, and for sure did the same thing to dozens of other people. It’s a long shot, but if anyone might be able to tell me who he is and where he lives, that info would be received most gratefully. Many others might be keen to join me in sending him a appropriate ‘thank you’ gift.
Quintin Jardine's blog 