Archive
Major Chris
This will become one of the most shared videos ever, so I may as well join in.
It’s amazing.
Hola Teresa
Thanks Cisco
The boss and I enjoyed an excellent Saturday evening, dining at La Terrassa d’Empuries, in the village of Sant Marti, yards from where Primavera’s house would be, if it existed. We know all the restaurants there and visit them by rotation. Last Saturday it was L’Esculapi, next Saturday ….. We’ll see, guys.
On to the next
It’s been an interesting journey, and not the easiest I’ve ever undertaken, but Skinner 24 is finished, edited, spell-checked and ready for transmission to Headline,when I’m good and ready.
It doesn’t matter how many books I’ve completed, (as it happens, S24 brings the total to 40) I always feel the same wave of relief when it’s done and dusted, just as I feel the same uncertainty whenever I switch on the computer to begin another. The day I take the gift for granted, and stop trying to do better next time, that will be the day I lose it. So far I seem to be pleasing more people than I’m upsetting, (even allowing for the guy who wrote to me today and after beginning by admitting that he wasn’t very far into Funeral Note, proceeded to tell me what was wrong with it) and that gives me great satisfaction.
What’s next? A few weeks’ R&R, then I’m on the road in Central Scotland for the launch of Pray for the Dying. Hopefully, the latest Skinner won’t get in the way , and I’ll be able to speak sensibly about it in Biggar, Edinburgh, Haddington, Glasgow and Newton Mearns. One thing I’ll tell you now, PftD will introduce you two a new detective pairing, of whom I have great hopes.
Sticky
This morning an 81-year-old man was arrested in Wilmslow on suspicion of raping an under-age girl, in 1967. He hasn’t been charged as yet, just hauled in for questioning. The story would probably have gone no further than the Manchester Evening News, but for one thing. The man involved has been named as Bill Roache, who has played Ken Barlow in Coronation Street for 53 years and as such has earned a place in the Guinness Book of Records as the world’s longest serving soap actor.
If Mr Roache is eventually charged and convicted, then I don’t care how ‘historic’ the allegation is, he deserves to feel the weight of justice, and I have no pity for him. But if he is not, if he is innocent, what damage will have been done to him?
I support absolutely, the right to anonymity of victims of sex crimes. However, the present post-Savile climate has led me to wonder, given the extent to which mud sticks and even a disproved allegation can taint, whether accused persons should have the same right, at least until charged, and possibly until they are convicted. Dunno. What do you think?
Amanda
I’d forgotten about Amanda Knox. I’d have been happier if that state had continued, rather than have to read that she’s made $4m from her book. Regardless of guilt or innocence, it would be nice if she used most of that to set up some sort of foundation in memory of the girl she was cleared of killing. Will she? We’ll see.
My Way
Twice a year, I finish a book; yesterday was one of those days.
The mills of God
If I had a vote for Journalist of the Year, I’d give it to KennethRoy.
Impression
On Monday, in common with around 10 million other people, I watched the conclusion of Broadchurch. Turned out I’d guessed, correctly who’d done it. When he was unmasked I thought his motive was pretty facile and didn’t buy into that at all. That may have been because the man who played him wasn’t capable of putting it over in a way tahat I believed.
If he wasn’t he was the only one who fell short. I’ll tell you how big an impression it made, and one player more than any other.
I’ve been writing the Skinner stories for well over 20 years now. I’ve done countless public events and I’ve been asked countless times who I see as Bob, if it ever made telly. I’ve given many different answers yet in all that time I have never sat down to write and found any actor’s face forcing itself upon my personal vision of my lead character.
Until yesterday morning,when I sat down to write a first person Skinner chapter and found that David Tennant was doing the talking.
The world economy explained with two cows
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has died.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you do not know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks.
You eat both of them.
The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF.
The IMF loans you two cows.
You eat both of them.
The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk.
You are out getting a haircut.
AN IRISH CORPORATION
You have two cows
One of them’s a horse!
Mr Angry
In the wake of the Luis Suarez munch-in, I’ve just watched BBC Breakfast trying to keep up by running an interview with an ‘Anger management consultant.’ I had a problem with in; the guy looked so smug and self-satisfied that he made me want to thump him.
Some man, that Jose
World domination
It had to happen, I suppose. Goodreads, which did a decent, impartial job until now, has been bought by Amazon. Will this never end, until Jeff Bezos is revealed by Doctor Who to be a malign alien entity and is blasted into cosmic dust. Why do people get steamed up about Starbucks, who make a decent cup of filter coffee, hyet ignore the Kim Jong-un of the retail industry?
Jackboot tactics
I’ve just heard a Volkswagen radio ad that struck me as offensive. It targeted, specifically, small business by offering to match any written quote by an independent local garage for servicing a used VW. ‘Local’ is defined as within five miles of their nearest service base, and of course ‘terms and conditions’ apply, for example, there’s an upper limit of two litres on engine capacity. (Henceforth anyone thinking about buying a Volkswagen with a bigger engine should bear in mind that the manufacturer doesn’t fancy it too much.)
To me that is straightforward bullying, but that’s the way the Germans behave in the EU, (ve vill not talk about ze var) so why should I be surprised?
Jack
My closest friend died last week. His funeral took place this afternoon.
Jack Arrundale lived more than half his life in Gullane, but he was always a Glossop lad, and always loyal to Derbyshire. It was odd that he and I should have become friends, as we were polar opposites in many ways. Jack was baptised Catholic, and was an altar boy, I was baptised into a right-footed family at a time when the twain never met in the West of Scotland. Yes, we’d both moved on from those beginnings, but Jack was always one of nature’s Guardian readers, while I had a Telegraph tendency. Less than surprising then, that we argued for much of those 40 years, over things as diverse as whether black was in fact a shade of grey, or whether white was really a sort of meringue colour. Yes, we argued, but we never quarrelled, never exchanged a word in anger. Truly, Jack was like a brother to me, and I’m glad that I told him that while I had time.
Jack was the most popular man I’ve ever known, without ever trying to be, or ever realising it. He made friends as if they were metal, and he was a magnet; people were attracted to him, naturally. With no expectation of return, he gave of himself most generously. For example, to Haddington cricket club in his younger days . . . and beyond them, truth be told. He was involved in the early days of the kids’ Swimming Club, which I believe still exists. He was a scout leader, and he was a stalwart of the five a side group that gave rise to my book, ‘Thursday Legends’. Jack played as he lived, enthusiastically. A heart attack didn’t stop him. The first time he came to the fives afterwards I had to beg him to slow down, telling him point blank that if he keeled over it would be me that got pelters from Bren, not him. Of course he didn’t slow down, or keel over: he played his last game when he was seventy; nobody will beat that, ever. In retirement Jack gave of himself to the village that he had adopted, in the day centre, and latterly in helping Brenda’s work with the RDA. Anything else needed doing, Jack was always up for it.
Through it all, he was also the most modest man I’ve ever known. He was always quick to praise others for their generosity, their deeds and their sanctity, without ever realising that everyone who knew him saw him in exactly that way.
I confess to being angry today, as well as sad. Why? Because Jack’s been short-changed, big-time. Okay he was 75, but he should have had another few decades left. His parents lived to a combined age of around 180 years, and there was every reason to expect that in 2037 he would receive his centenary birthday card from King William the Fifth. But now he won’t. He was not a man given to complaining about personal troubles, so when he came round to see me last November, and said simply, ‘I’m not well,’ I knew that he wasn’t kidding. Yet he handled it with a courage to which we all aspire, and hope to attain when the time comes.
After 9/11, the old lady who reigns over us told the American people, ‘Grief is the price we pay for love.’ That’s a price that I’m privileged to pay for Jack, and it’s a mark of the man that so many people are grieving so deeply for him.
The DCMS are duplicitous, fraudulent bastards
A few months ago, the government launched a consultation on its proposal that the Public Lending Right office in Stockton should be closed, and its functions transferred to a new department within the British Library. Out of out of 1015 views expressed by stakeholders, 948, me among them, said firmly that the PLR office is efficient, excellent and popular, and that it should be left alone. Today the Department for Culture Media and Sport published its response, a vigorous thumb of the nose to all but the 67 who agreed with it.
The process has been a sham, and the civil service has had its way as usual. Come the revolution, bruvvers . . .
Wisdom
| In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame; two is a law firm and three or more is a government. John Adams If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. Suppose you were an idiot . And suppose you were a member of government . But then I repeat myself. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. I don’t make jokes . I just watch the government and report the facts. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free! In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. Talk is cheap…except when government does it. The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no control at the other. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. There is no distinctly Native American criminal class. . . save government. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. |
Good cause
For all Gullanites, and anyone else with an interest and a few grand to spare.
Coping
This caught my eye today. It asks a very good question.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21841950
My answer is a resounding YES. New parents have considerable statutory rights to protected leave of absence from work; the newly bereaved have very limited and ill-defined entitlements. That needs to change.

