Quintin Jardine's blog

Those who have read the dedication of one of my books know that when I was two years old, my mother had a stillbirth, a boy, my brother, whose existence, by which I mean his time alive in the womb, was basically denied by the system.

Things may have changed since then, but in 1948, stillbirths were recorded in a closed register. It was the same within my small family. I had no knowledge of the event until I was seven or eight when my dad let something slip while talking to an acquaintance, in my presence. A few years passed before I asked him about it. When I did, he told me, but in the briefest of terms.

It ate away at me but I didn’t follow it up until I was in middle age when a reader told me that the stillbirth register was in fact accessible, on request. I now have a copy of my brother’s non-birth certificate. I carry a piece of him in my heart and the older I grow the more I feel that I am living his life for him.

I am not going into the circumstances, for all I have are third party stories. However what did anger me when I saw the certificate, and still does, beyond mere anger indeed, is the fact that the attending obstetrician was allowed by the system to certify the event, to attribute its cause, and to enter it into the register without counter signature, or any independent endorsement.

‘Feeble’ was one of the words he used. I weighed ten and a half pounds at birth; you may understand why I might need some persuasion of that!

I hope that the stillbirth certification system has been changed at some point in the 75 year existence of the NHS. Finally, I intend to find out. If it hasn’t, the Holyrood Health Secretary will be hearing from me.

Over the years I have gone with Scottish bands above all others. I have an obscure personal connection to Texas. I was a fan of Shuggie and Shout at the apex of their powers. (Who? Work it out) I have been tied to Del Amitri since they wrote and recorded the greatest World Cup song ever. But for quality, creativity, durability and general all round niceness, one stands out; Rock on Deacon Blue.

Can someone explain to me why ‘poo’ is more acceptable than the other word for faeces, the one with four letters?

All you music lovers out there, can anyone tell me why incontinence pads are known in the care industry as Kylie sheets? I must say, it’s got me spinning around.

Am I the only person in the world who can’t tell Ryan Reynolds and Ryan Gosling apart?

I am pedantic, okay, but I am annoyed, genuinely, by the number of journalists who do not know the difference between principle and principal.

I saw a post on Facebook today by someone I have actually met, someone I like and respected. Why that past tense?

Because the post was a photo of a novel by a celeb that she had received but not read, accompanied by one deprecatory word.

Because the poster has a following the slur attracted, even inspired a flood of similar insults by a motley crew of losers, all of whom I have now blocked.

Please friend, don’t demean yourself. Take it down.

I might be more interested in Dune 2, but for the fact that I will need to rewatch Dune 1 to find out what it’s all about. But what guarantee is there that I won’t do what I did last time and fall asleep halfway through?

No, they can market it as hard as they like, but that obstacle, coupled with the fact that I don’t actually give one about the mythic journey of Paul Atreides and all those other bozos, will make me pass it by.

That said, I haven’t been sleeping too well lately so ……,

Skinner 36 will be called ‘Secrets and Lies’, first format publication, November 7.

Skinner 37? Gimme a break.

‘The Cage’ paperback is due to escape from the warehouse on June 20x

We have a title for the new Skinner, which is nearing completion. Watch this space.

This is a terrible thing for a monarchist to admit, but every time I hear someone on radio refer to ‘The King’, still I think of Elvis.

‘On the Beach’ holiday travel TV ad. Would you want to be on the same package as that crew?

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/mar/25/judges-resign-from-men-only-garrick-club

I recall a pub in Glasgow near my school where a notice at the entrance read: ‘No ladies supplied.’ Okay you can take that two ways, but what I don’t recall was a female picket line outside.

I can see why the Guardian, being woke and all that, is targeting the Garrick, but it’s ignoring a much bigger male bastion, namely the United Grand Lodge of England, Grand Master for the last 48 years HRH the Duke of Kent.

Further to yesterday’s post, the Guardian is reporting that Richard Moore, the head of MI6 has resigned his membership of the Carrick Club because of internal criticism within his service. Seems to me that Mr Moore should be replaced at once. It’s alarming that the nation’s security is in the hands of a man who can’t even stand up to his own staff,

Seems to me also that if 60% and up of the Carrick membership were Guardian readers, the original story would have been spiked, along with its author, whose objectivity must be compromised by the very fact that she’s a woman.

www.theguardian.com/law/2024/mar/19/legal-professions-most-powerful-among-members-of-londons-men-only-garrick-club

I’m liberal, (lower case l), broad minded and inclusive, as anyone who knows me would confirm, but I’m also a bloke. I’m not going to apologise for it, or compromise in any way. I’ve been in the Garrick Club. I have no wish to be a member and if I did, all those lawyers would probably put me off, but I will defend their right to choose to remain exclusively male.

I’m kind of hooked on a BBC drama series from ten years ago, give or take. It’s called Hinterland, it was shot in both Welsh and English and set in west Wales, in and around Aberystwyth, I don’t know why I like it because all of the characters seem to be desperately unhappy. There are no smiles, only unremitting misery. I can only guess that’s what living there does to a person.

A couple of minutes ago I had a call from this number: 07778 173445.

The automated caller told me that she was from HMRC and that I would be prosecuted unless …

That was as far as she got. Be aware.