Quintin Jardine's blog

How did Cricket Scotland manage to lose to England?

I’m watching a team in red playing at Preston. I’ve no idea who they are, but they have no semblance of a game plan. However they do have a manager who’s an arrogant, overrated clown, living on a questionable reputation.

Actually, statistics rarely lie, and here’s one that tells you the truth about the ego on legs that is Louis van Gaal, and his unsuitability for the Man U job.

United’s third goal against Burnley tonight came from the penalty spot. It was their first pen of the season. That’s right, three days short of Valentine’s Day and they hadn’t been awarded a penalty, a damning reflection on LvG’s tactical approach and on his team’s lack of attacking potential. In the Fergie years you could count on one every three games, maybe more.

Fancy a swan song, Sir Alex?

To all my Rangers supporting friends . . .

Well, nothing, really. After yesterday, I can’t think of anything to say.

So Celtic reach the final of the Scottish League Cup where they’ll play Dundee United. And no sooner has the smoke cleared from the semi-finals that they buy two of the opposition’s best young players, who’ll be warming the bench at Celtic Park for the rest of the season.

There’s something wrong with that, but it’s nothing new. It’s been a blight on our game for decades.

However it’s almost matched by Mike Ashley turning Rangers into Newcastle United’s youth development partner.

Tiger Woods’ 82 yesterday is being compared with his second worst score as a pro, his 81 at Muirfield. It shouldn’t be.

I was there when Tiger shot that earlier round . . . well, to be accurate I was there when he finished it by birdieing 17 and parring the last. When I saw the storm coming I did the local thing and went home till it passed over, because I knew how bad it was going to be. Tiger couldn’t; he had to play on through the unplayable, in waterproof gear that looked hopelessly unfit for the task in hand. His 81 was probably a couple under par for the conditions and next day he went round in 15 fewer shots.

What I saw in telly last night as he shot his 82 was a man who has lost it beyond redemption. Around  the greens he chipped like me; that’s not pretty, and I’m not kidding.

If he ever wins another golf tournament it will be a miracle. Thanks for the memories, Tiger.

I’ve just watched the fantastic last-ball finish of the final of Australian cricket’s fourth Big Bash League. I’m sorry it’s over for another year, but at the same time, I’m pleased to have my mornings back.

All the English players who’ve been in Australia taking part have come home saying the same thing; that domestic cricket has to adopt the franchise system and organise its T20 competition along the same lines as the model that has proved so popular there and in India. As far as I can discern, none of the decision-makers are listening. They’d rather play four-day county games all summer before empty grounds.

Anyone who hasn’t seen it but has the opportunity to watch the replay today’s Australian Big Bash League game should put everything else aside. Tightest finish I’ve ever seen to a game of cricket, and maybe the tightest ever.

This from the Football Association in the Dave Whelan case:

The FA Commission said in a statement: “We are satisfied on the evidence before us that Mr Whelan is not a racist.

“We are equally satisfied on the evidence before us that Mr Whelan did not intend to cause any offence by his comments.”

But the commission added that it had to “view the comments objectively and Mr Whelan’s subjective intentions were irrelevant as far the ruling was concerned”.

Okay. Now can anyone explain to me what it means? The way I read it, they’re saying, ‘He isn’t guilty, but we’re still throwing him to the wolves to satisfy the PC brigade.‘

Does the Scottish Football Association have a secret stash of gold somewhere that enables it to snub a man who is willing to invest millions in its impoverished game? Or is its board just plain crackers? I suspect the latter.

Even though I’m resoundingly Scottish I admit to being an observer of England cricket, my excuse being that if other UK nationals are good enough, Lords will grab them.

For some time now I’ve been observing the decline and fall of the one day side. Finally the hapless selectors have ditched their hapless captain, but they have appointed in his place a hapless Irishman whose recent form is worse than he guy he’s replacing.

All this has come on the back of the selectors’ axing of their best player as the shambles unfolds. Seems to me that the developing shambles goes back to the appointment of the current managing director of Cricket England. Get shot of Mr Downton and bring back KP and everything will be better.

If I was Rio Ferdinand, I think I’d be suing the FA for restraint of trade. That body seems to think it’s all powerful; it isn’t, and it’s time that was made clear by the courts.

For a few weeks I’ve been avoiding Scottish football results. As a Motherwell fan the last decade has been unsettling; the club has been well run on a shoestring, having learned  the lesson of the administration experience, and we’ve had a succession of excellent managers. On a couple of occasions we’ve even been the best of the rest, winners of the unofficial championship that ignores the Old Firm teams. That’s not what we’re used to, not we supporters who begin every season with a prayer for survival.

Nothing lasts for ever; there was always going to be a blip. The last couple of months have been luckless, and the club is back in what used to be its customary position, holding up the league. However I doubt that there were many fans who didn’t have faith in Stuart McCall to turn things around.

Sadly Stuart didn’t share that faith for he resigned over the weekend. He’ll be missed, and he’ll be a hard act for any successor to follow. Who will that successor be? Time will tell, but whoever takes the job won’t be in it for the money. David Moyes? Maybe not.

This morning I read one of the great sporting quotes, by a boxer named Chuck Wepner, after he lost to Muhammad Ali in a fight that was said to have inspired the Rocky movies. This is what he said:

“The day of the Ali fight I bought my wife a powder blue negligee and told her ‘wear this tonight, ’cause you’ll be sleepin’ with the heavyweight champion of the world’. That night, when I got back to the room, she said: ‘Do I go to his room or will he be coming to mine?'”.

I’d never heard the word ‘Rabona’ till last night, although I’ve seen the trick done by a few top-class footballers before Lamela’s “wonder” goal last night for Spurs. I am still struggling to work out how any human can do that without falling on his arse.

Anyone involved in professional football is now banned from betting on games. So why is Harry Redknapp advertising an on-line bookie?