Quintin Jardine's blog

Just over an hour ago, the first matches in the Ryder Cup 2014 tee-ed off at Gleneagles.

Will I be there? No.

If someone called me in the next half hour and offered me the top hospitality package for Sunday’s singles, would I accept? No.

Somewhere along the line, I fell out of love with golf’s biennial transatlantic duel. Yes, the ‘Miracle at Medinah’ was compelling viewing, and the outcome was deeply satisfying. And yet there was something about it that I didn’t like, the triumphalism, the sometimes mindless behaviour of the crowds, the sometimes mindless behaviour of Bubba Watson encouraging the crowd to break one of the cardinal rules of golf etiquette by roaring him on as he hit his first tee shot. (He was not alone, as I recall; Ian Poulter saw fit to copy him. A friend of mine used to have a seat near Poults at the Emirates Stadium, so this did not surprise me.)

In 1973, the event was played at Muirfield. Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, Lee Trevino and Billy Casper led the American team: it was too far back for Tom Watson. In those pre-Seve days Europe was not invited; the side was Great Britain and Ireland and the result was almost inevitable.The crowds were smaller too, with far fewer American visitors for what was expected to be a walk-over, even with Tony Jacklin, Peter Oosterhuis, Neil Coles and a 48-year-old Christy O’Connor in the GB&I team.

In fact, they did better than expected, going into the final round of singles with a mathematical chance of victory, only to see the score-board turn red. There were two singles rounds in those days, eight matches each; under those rules it was possible to be selected for the Ryder Cup but never play a match. One English golfer was in the 1971 and 1973 teams yet played only once, in a four-ball. Brian Barnes, on the other hand, made his name by beating Jack Nicklaus twice in one day.

Television coverage was provided by the BBC. The admission charges were modest crowds, with the exception of  one yob who had a down on Bernard Gallagher for some reason, were well-behaved. It was a dignified, enjoyable event, even in the preparation days, when Lee Trevino could be found doing his stand-up turn on the practice ground.

Forty-one years later, I doubt that Muirfield would welcome the event. It has been transformed into a circus with crowds paying through the nose, per day, to behaving like wrestling fans. Television coverage today is provided by Sky Television, led by the terminally platitudinous Ewen Murray. Sky being a jewel in the crown of the odious Murdoch Empire, all of his titles join in the hype, leaving the rest of the media no choice but to add its voice.

All this has been reflected in the attitude of the players. Nicklaus famously gave Tony Jacklin a putt for a half that resulted in a tied match. At the height of the notorious Battle of Brookline, Payne Stewart conceded his match to Colin Montgomerie to signal his disapproval of the crowd’s behaviour. That match may have been a nadir, but things have improved only superficially since then. Today the US has Keegan Bradley, and we have Poulter. Good examples to junior golfers? I think not.

Progress is progress, I suppose, but I can’t help but observe that the growth in interest in the Ryder Cup can be traced back to the years when the Americans, for the first time in the history of the event, started to lose more  than they won. They reacted and our crowds have followed suit, until the spectacle is unedifying however the contest turns out.

The whole thing runs counter to the spirit of the game of golf.

I’ve just read that Tiger Woods has fired his coach. After four years with the guy, winding up with chronic back pain and still not being able to hit the ball straight off the tee, you could say that he’s been too patient. Once again, people will ask the question: when you’re the best player in the world by a street length and more, why change anything at all?

And so we start yet another SPFL football season. My prediction: Celtic to win the Premier League. Yes, I know; I’ve always been bold. For England, top four: Man U, Man City, Chelsea, Liverpool, to finish in no particular order, but if I was forced to bet I’d take City again.

Watching the Open on telly and wondering: why do the BBC persist in employing Mark James? His credentials include being the worst Ryder Cup captain in living memory, putting his name to an awful, graceless autobiography, and never paying a straight compliment when a sneer is available. Plus he’s a twerp.

When Tom (Tiny) Wharton, a Scottish football referee of my youth, passed away a few years ago, many stories were told about him, but this is my favourite:

While refereeing Hearts one Saturday, Tiny had particular trouble with a veteran winger named Johnny Hamilton, who was known for leaving his dentures in a glass in the dressing room during the game. Finally his patience was exhausted. He called the player to him (when Tiny called, you went) and said solemnly, ‘Mr Hamilton, the time has come for you to rejoin your teeth.’

Perhaps that is the simplest solution to Luis Suarez’ behavioural problem. Aesthetically it might not be a bad thing either, from his viewpoint, since the set with which God equipped him gives him an unfortunate resemblance to Francis the Talking Mule.

Four month global ban for Suarez; excessive, fair or insufficient?

I don’t go with any of those. Whatever you think of the gravity of the offence, it happened on the watch of the Uruguayan FA. When Suarez is with his club, he’s protected by its support systems. These include a psychologist and an extremely perceptive head coach. When he went off with Uruguay he went into an aggressive environment, where his transgression is barely recognised as such.  Therefore isn’t it entirely logical that any penalty should impact on Uruguay alone?

As I understand it, when a player is on international duty, his club is indemnified against injury, by insurance. Not so in this case, unless Liverpool FC’s lawyers persuade Uruguay that it should compensate the club for the loss of his services.

Common sense says to me that a fairer disposition would have been a longer ban from international matches, and a fine, not on the player but on the Uruguayan FA, (which has plenty of previous over the years) leaving the club to deal internally with the matter.

But when did FIFA last display common sense?

I didn’t see the Suarez incident last night, but I did see his accuser in the first half rolling about in apparent agony, claiming to have been elbowed, despite the TV replay showing no contact.

What’s the big deal? Suarez has lumps kicked out of him by guys much bigger than he is with very little protection. A couple of years ago he bit a Chelsea player who was holding his shirt. The guy let go, didn’t he. Whatever happened with Chielinni, my money’s on the play-acting Italian having got what was coming to him.

To put this in perspective, think back to the classic shot of Vinnie Jones grabbing a young Paul Gascoigne by the family jewels and squeezing hard. A worse offence than a quick chew on a cheating pest? Yes,  ma’am. Was Vinnie banned for a couple of months? No, but a few years down the road, Topman made good use of the photo in a window display.

And England? From the little I saw they’re one class centre-back and one instinctive goal-scorer short of being a decent team.

‘Where did it all go wrong for England?’ the BBC asks this morning. Silly question.

If you offer two free hits in your penalty area to one of the world’s top strikers, you will be punished. I’m all for giving youth its chance, but if the young guys aren’t as good as the old guys in certain positions, maybe the old guys should have been asked to give it one more try.

There’s an Italian in our extended family and I expect to see him on Sunday; should be a laugh, since England’s survival is to a great extent in his team’s hands.

Big mistake by Hibs in sacking Terry Butcher. I suspect that their new CEO is planning a raid on Motherwell, with a view to stealing Stuart McCall. That’s been done before, with Eck McLeish, who promptly got Hibs relegated. Take care, Ms Dempster.

I’m bored … By the tedious build-up to Froch vs Groves II. The former has delusions of super-stardom and the latter is a chinny pain in the arse. It’s just two guys having a fight, and neither is Muhammad Ali, yet 80,000 punters have parted with good money to see it, and many more have bought the TV pay-per-view.

One will spark the other in a couple of rounds, or they’ll maul and cuddle for twelve,then one will complain that he was robbed. The only certainty is that it won’t live up to the hype.

QJ’s tip? Groves on points, but I’d prefer it if Froch stiffened the guy properly this time.

I’m puzzled. Why would anyone want to fix a Scotland game?

Commiserations to my Hibs supporting friends on snatching relegation from the jaws of safety yesterday.

It’s an inconceivable scenario for the numpties who run Scottish football, but it will happen. Next season, the top tier in The SPFL will be missing not only Rangers but both Edinburgh clubs as well. Bereft of visits by three of the top five, the financial consequences for everyone but Celtic could well be dire.

It was almost overlooked because of the outstanding performance of Rory the L*** R** (sorry kid, didn’t mean it) at Wentworth, but a great day arrived yesterday. Colin Montgomerie, Old Grumpy himself, finally won a major championship, the US Senior PGA. Twenty years too late, Big Man, but well done, and on to the Grand Slam.