Quintin Jardine's blog

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-15023862

Brilliant. Well done PD, I can’t wait to read it. I predict a wave of imitators. How about Rebus on the trail of Burke and Hare? Come on Ian, give it a try. How about you Sandy? Mma Ramotswe investigates the death of David Livingstone?  As for me, I can’t wait to get my hands on Treasure Island. Imagine, Skinner (he has this thing about boats) on board the Hispaniola. I never did trust that man Trelawney. And as for Doctor Livesey! What was in the Black Spot? Was it instant acting polonium? Was Bill Bones poisoned? Was Blind Pew really Blind, or should he have been Partially Sighted But Can See Enough To Murder Pew?? How did Long John Silver lose his leg? Why was Jim in the apple barrel? Go for it, Big Man!

I note that President Obama has unveiled a new policy. Make rich folks pay more tax. And it has started a firestorm, it seems. I heard a wally on an news channel a couple of days ago, getting hysterical about a mythical creature who owns a dozen Dunkin’ Donut concessions. So? What impact would higher personal taxes have on his business, as the clown was suggesting. None. Corporation taxes have always been there. They can be regulated in a way that stimulates employment and therefore generates more revenue for central government in direct and indirect taxation collected from the newly economically active. But WTF do I know? I’m not an economist, and as for Tea Parties, Scottish Blend is as far as I go.

I am puzzled. We are said to be on the verge of a double dip recession. Yesterday, global stock markets plunged. But did they do so because we are on the brink of a double dip recession, or because the media reported that we are on the brink of a double dip recession? What’s happening? Has the global equities market simply grown too big for the ‘action’ that our politicians vacuously promise. I heard a soundbite from Dave’s speech in Canada this morning. Now I’m looking for the substance bite. Can’t find it.

After years of promising ourselves, we watched ‘Sideways’ on DVD last night. It’s described on the jacket as ‘The funniest film of the year’, but whoever wrote that is the sort of sad bastard who gets off on other people’s misfortune. I didn’t know until afterwards that it was directed by the same guy who did the brilliant ‘About Schmidt’, but as soon as you learn that, the penny drops, and you substitute the Miles character for Schmidt. Exactly the same formula, lonely guy on a road trip, only this one has a mate. All that said, I found it a nice touching movie with what I hope was going to be a happy ending.

Am I tired of them? No I’m not, but that’s why Big Bob is as he is, so that he’s not categorised alongside them. As for your football team, only God can judge them, as we’ve been told, but far from kick-starting their season, they couldn’t kick doors at Hallowe’en. However, I am not optimistic about tonight. They’re catching ‘Well on the back of two heavy defeats, so they’ll never have a better chance.

I hear that Scotland is to have its own crime writing festival next September. I’ve believed for some time that there was a place for such an event, but been too indolent to get off my arse and do something about it. So well done Alex Gray and Lin Anderson for taking the initiative and putting a package together, with the support of Stirling Council, Stirling Uni, and Creative Scotland. May God bless you and all who sail in you.

Made a purchase for Mia, La nieta, in the local Chinese shop yesterday. You might call it baby’s first commode. She hasn’t quite figured that out, though; she reckons it’s a stroller, like she has at home for her doll. First thing she did it was sit Teddy in it and start pushing him around. It has now been christened, The Poo-chair.

After two weeks of the sort of weather that’s had everyone complaining about the heat, (silly buggers) the promised rain arrived just after 4am this morning, and it did so big time, with an accompanying light show that put the Festa Major fireworks to shame. Eileen and I know what time it happened because it was big enough to wake up. We had Mia for an overnighter; she slept right through it.

Haven’t read the book on which Ice Cold in Alex is based . . . indeed I didn’t know there was one. Yes it was Anthony Quayle, but his character in the movie wasn’t called Zimmerman; he played Captain van der Poel, later unmasked as Hauptman Otto Lutz.

Neither Bob nor I, as he will be very quick to confirm if you follow him on Facebook or Twitter, plan to be pensioned off any time soon. You have our word on this.

Read slower, it’ll last longer.

Hi Norah. Thanks for joining the Capaldi supporters’ club. My problem is now that he’s too old to play Skinner in a series. Needs a younger guy who can stay with it for a while. Needs Idris Elba.

Glad you enjoyed your visit to St Marti. You know Miguel Torres? To tell you the truth I’m not a big fan of his best-selling white, but me gusta his Esmeralda.

This from Tony Pulis, manager of Stoke City, on his new signing Peter Crouch.

“Peter is a great lad and I think you’re pigeon-holing someone just because their picture is in the paper,” Pulis said. “He is a fantastic kid, very down to earth, and we are absolutely delighted to have him.”

Peter Crouch is thirty years old. At what point does a professional footballer cease to be a ‘lad’ or a ‘kid’? The answer is  that in the minds of most British football managers, they don’t, and therein lies a problem. In any business that employs specialist staff, they should be respected and treated as adults, otherwise there is a risk that they will become disaffected and will not give of their best. Perhaps that explains why Stoke City are an ugly, limited team.

Thank you, my friend. The Loner seems to be going down a bomb, most of all in Canada. Think I might move there.

In a future Skinner I think I may ‘deal with’ a Dutch football ref. By all accounts, the guy at Hampden on Saturday was a disgrace. Three bad penalty shouts, two against us one for us, but the worst thing seems to have been his attitude. The very sensible and very experienced Darren Fletcher said that ‘his demeanour was poor’ throughout the game, and another Scottish player claimed that when he tred to speak to the guy, he was told to ‘**** off’. At a time when players are told to ‘Respect’ referees, that’s not acceptable; if it’s correct, he should be sanctioned, publicly. Makes me wonder if there’s a secret Dutch football agenda against British nations and sides, after Howard Webb and the World Cup Final.

Just when you thought it was safe to buy the Evening News again, it looks as if the lunatics running Edinburgh may be forced by the Scottish Government to reconsider their senseless decision to commit the city to a tram service from Haymarket to the Airport. Trouble is the only alternative on the table seems to be extending the line to St Andrews Square, a move that will in no way balance the increased cost with increased traffic. I don’t live in the capital, but if I did, I’d be leading the movement to have the whole damn scheme abandoned. Also, as I said a few days ago, I’d be looking for severe sanctions against those who imposed upon the taxpayer this massive financial burden.

Thank you, my friend, for your comments and your dedication. I hope your team won at Wembley to round off a great weekend.

Yes, Yorkshire Television had a look at bringing Bob to the small screen a few years back. It didn’t work out, and I was happy about that, as I didn’t like what they were planning to do with my people.

A couple of my best friends are Arsenal supporters, whilst I, in English terms at least, am of the Manchester United persuasion. That being the case, you might imagine that I’ve been giving them a hard time for the last 24 hours. But no, I haven’t. What happened yesterday was too serious for that, and not the stuff of petty asides. Man U and the Gunners have few things in common, buy there is this. Both generate their resources from within through the development of young players and shrewd trading. For all their American ownership, neither club has received injections of silly money, neither has been able to spend in the transfer market without sense and responsibility, or to pay players the sort of wages that  are quite frankly obscene.

I don’t agree with everything that Michel Platini has said and done since becoming president of UEFA, but I am a strong supporter of his Financial Fair Play rules, which will in a nutshell force clubs to trade within their turnover, more or less, with expulsion from European competition being the penalty for abuse of the system. Arsene Wenger has done a fantastic job at Arsenal for the last fifteen years. While Cesc Fabregas’s return to Barcelona was an emotional thing which most people understand and accept, it’s just not bloody right that his next best player should be snatched from him by the bottomless resources of Sheikh Mansour, or that Harry Redknapp should have to put up with his star man having his head turned by an agent whose eyes afre undoubtedly agleam at the prospect of commission on a £40m transfer fee from Abramovich’s Chelsea. Platini wants to make football clubs behave like responsible businesses. He wants to change a world in which, in 2009, top division European clubs made a staggering aggregate loss 0f 1.2 billion euro. Good luck to him.