Archive
Gillian Dickinson
I understand your question, GD, and I can only be frank with you. It’s like this. I write one Skinner a year. Even if they were published as soon as they were finished, I’d still only write one a year so nothing would change, apart from the fact that they’d have even more spelling errors than they have already. Could I do more? Maybe, but I’d have to stop doing Primavera or any standalones. I’d also drive my wife and everyone around me, absolutely crazy. And that’s the bottom line, ‘cos Stone Cold said so.
Paraprosdokian
What is a “paraprosdokian”? Here is the definition:“Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation.”
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good Evening,’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
19. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
20. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
22. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
24. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Words of Wisdom
“The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”
The Elk
This afternoon’s selection on the iPod at siesta time was Elaine Bookbinder, later and better known as Elkie Brooks. The Elk is in danger of becoming a forgotten treasure, but that’s what she is. She doesn’t record much these days, but she’s touring this year. In November she’s in Alnwick Playhouse, not far from where the in-laws live. Are you listening, bruv?
Luther
An every time question at my gigs is this: If Skinner was adapted for TV who would you want to play him?
Answer: Idris Elba.
When I say that, mostly the audiences smile, and nod, knowingly. Then I explain who he is, and most of them nod a lot harder. Having just watched the conclusion of the terrific second series of Luther on BBC1, my conviction is even firmer that he’s the man for the part. In a TV adaptation, skin tone and accent don’t matter a damn. You want the man who can present your character most powerfully; you want the best actor out there in that type of role. And Idris is the man.
Art for art’s sake
A very talented acquaintance of mine launched a new exhibition at the weekend in Torroella de Montgri.
Check him out if you have a moment. There are three language options, Catalan being the original, but you can also study in Spanish or English.
JRC
Just spent a nice afternoon break, listening to Emmylou and Mark Knopfler, then the first few songs fromJohn R Cash’s American Recordings. I’ll save the rest for tomorrow.
Good night
Sunday evening, went with friends to a new (to us) restaurant in EstarTit, called Mont Pla.
Having eaten out on Saturday and been sadly disappointed, I chose the same menu as the night before and was even more disappointed. Not because it was worse, but because it was unrecognisably better. I’m saying nothing here , because of a loyalty of which I’m rather proud, but maybe the message will get through.
Toe in the water
Okay, I was wrong. It went the full distance. But only because the Hayemaker was less ‘chinny’ than most people thought, and because Wladimir was as cautious as he’s always been. The lesson to be drawn from the ‘fight of the year’ is that world boxing needs to take a look at its weight limits. The Kiltschkos are both around two metres tall and weigh 250 lbs, and they are no longer exceptional; some of the younger guys coming through are bigger than them. While Muhammad Ali would have had both of the brothers for breakfast weighing in at around the same as Haye did, he was once in a life-time, the best ever. With the heavyweight category beginning at 200lbs, a weight that Haye made comfortably only three years ago, the system is encouraging dangerous mismatches. Surely it’s time for the sanctioning bodies to get together and raise it.
As for Haye, ironically he and Wladimir are in the same boat thanks to his defeat. If he had won, a rematch would have drawn serious money. Now, neither of them could find an opponent against whom they could fill a phone box. Still, the £20m they are expected to share will be some consolation to them both.
The harder they fall
This will be a bad weekend for British sport, in terms of results. Yesterday, Andy Murray did his best but lost to the best all-round tennis player in the game. Today I’m sure that David Haye will give it his all against the slightly smaller and younger of the two giant Klitschko brothers, but he has no chance. He won’t get near big Wladimir, and when he comes into range himself as he will have to, that will be that; fight will be over, summon medical assistance. Klitschko, inside two rounds, definitivo.
This time tomorrow, meaningful world-level heavyweight boxing will be a thing of the past. Wlad and Vitali will have nobody left to fight other than each other, and their mum won’t let them.
Kenny Hall
I’m glad you finally got round to writing. Two years ahead of me in Elmbank Street, you say. Would have have been in Muir Austin’s year? So far I’ve never made it further north than Ottawa, but if I ever get to Montreal, I’ll look you up.
Can Roura
There are five restaurants in St Marti d’Empuries, where the Primavera Blackstone mysteries are based. Every one of them is very good. Four out of the five serve top-class pizza and pasta alongside more traditional menus, and every weekend from now till the end of the high summer season, you will have to queue for a table at each of those. One does not, and there is no queue outside. This is bad in one respect, for the wealth and morale of Can Roura’s owner and chef, Joan Malé, and good in another, for it means I can usually find a table every time I go there, which is often. Eileen and I ate there last night, with our friends John and Pat, who had never been there before but will go back. It’s easy to introduce friends to Joan’s place, for you know that he will never let you down. I have eaten in Michelin star restaurants in Scotland and Spain; Can Roura is up there with any of them and better than some and its prices are almost embarrassingly reasonable.
I will not be happy until I have to queue there for a table on a Friday or Saturday, but that can’t happen without the summer denizens of L’Escala-Empuries and its surrounding camp-sites fighting against their inexplicable pizza addiction hysteria and exploring the alternative. This is my challenge to them; yes, eat in Meson del Conde, eat in La Terrassa d’Empuries, eat in L’Esculapi , and eat in Can Coll. You’ll be well fed in every one of them. But make sure you eat also in Can Roura; I guarantee that you’ll want to go back.
Lisa Adair
That’s a major compliment, Lisa, thanks. May you have a long and successful career, but try not to marry anyone named McDermid. If you bump into Skinner at Fettes, please tell him I’ll need to see him again in a few months, but that I’m heavily involved with a forty-something single mother at the moment.
Elizabeth
You want to know what happens next with Alex and Andy? To be honest, so do I. You can never tell with that pair.
Isla Cen-Black
Hello again Isla. The next Primavera will be called ‘As Easy as Murder’. It’ll be on the shelves next January.
Mary Heede
We’re just putting the next one to bed, but that’s a year away from publication.
Quintin Jardine's blog 