Quintin Jardine's blog

I am lifting this, shamelessly, from the Numbers feature in today’s Scottish Review.

29
Number of people arrested in Papua New Guinea for making soup out of the penises of witch doctors

The ECB’s off its collective head. KP’s banned for being mouthy, then his team-mates are allowed to gang up on him in the media, thus proving his claim that he was being isolated in the dressing room. Unfair, stupid and blinkered. Sure it’s a team game but it’s about money too. How many people would pay to watch Strauss, or Swann, or Broad as opposed to the likes  of Pietersen or Botham, another ‘rebel’? Maybe half, on one of those guys’ good days. This time next week they’ll have been humped by the Springboks and wondering, ‘How did that  happen?’ Message; going out of your way to alienate your best player is a good way to begin.

I am not a founder member of the Jimmy McGovern fan club, but I was drawn into watching the first of the new Accused series on BBC last night, by the casting of Sean Bean as a transvestite. Yes, Boromir in Lord of the Rings and Ned Stark in Game of Thrones, actually did play a cross-dressing good-time gay, called Simon by day, and Tracey by night. Did it work? Let’s put it this way, if anyone ever does a remake of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, no prizes for guessing who’ll play the lead. Sean, I never knew you had it in you. (Please don’t take that the wrong way.)

Top of the UK news this morning is the award of the west coast rail franchise to First Group, for a period of fourteen years. Naturally, the present holders, Virgin, and their partner, the Scottish-owned Stagecoach group, are less than pleased. If our experience in East Lothian is anything to go by, Joe Public shouldn’t be too pleased either.

There was a day when trains and buses were viewed as public services. Not by First Group they ain’t; they are profit centres, pure and simple. For example:

Those of us who live in the five coastal communities of East Lothian, from Longniddry to North Berwick are forced to rely on First Group for our bus links to Edinburgh. For years, the service has run every half-hour. One of those buses ran through the busy town of Musselburgh, the other by-passed it. That was just about an adequate service, or maybe not, if you happened to live in the coastal communities, worked in Musselburgh and didn’t have a car. If you are one of the five or six people who fall into that category, you can be happy today, because as a result of a recent ‘restructuring’ of its East Lothian services, First Group has decided that all buses on what is now called the X24 service will now be routed through the town. The problem for everybody else is that half of them will go no further. X24 begins at North Berwick (Tesco), and those that do not proceed to Edinburgh will now terminate at Musselburgh (Tesco), a remarkable coincidence on which I will not comment, other than to note that the hourly bus that stopped at ASDA, on the outskirts of the capital,  will no longer do so as a result of the changes.

The net result is that North Berwick, Dirleton, Gullane, Aberlady, and Longniddry now have to make do with one direct bus to the capital city every hour. As an added complication, those buses collect and drop off at every community beyond Longniddry; not a problem when travelling to Edinburgh, but a big one, potentially on the return journey.

So there you have it; First Group in action. An outfit which thinks nothing of cutting rural provision by fifty per cent, has been entrusted with the Euston – Glasgow rail service, on the basis of a bid which Virgin (who have experience of the franchise) and others insist can only be sustained by cuts in staffing and services. I find myself wondering whether the Holyrood government was consulted over this decision by its Westminster counterpart, because, last time I looked, everything on the route from just north of Carlisle happens to be in Scotland. If it wasn’t, why not?

Where have I been? Daft question; like everybody else in Britain, I’ve been pretty much glued to the telly watching Usain bolt for the finish line, watching Murray mint himself a tennis gold medal, watching Joshua fight the battles of the Excel Arena, and so on. it was tense at first, and the vultures were circling, but then the cyclists ht top gear, the rowers upped their stroke rate, and the gold medals started to flow at a greater rate than anyone had dared to imagine. After that, it would have seemed downright unpatriotic to criticise anything or anyone, and even our scurrilous media had more sense than that.

Until it was all over, then the BBC, after two weeks of comprehensive, often brilliant coverage, only slightly marred by the unfailing crassness of John Inverdale, the clumsiness of Clare Balding, out of her depth in the aquatic centre, and Gary Lineker not really understanding anything that doesn’t involve a ball, reverted to type.

The Prime Minister was invited into the BBC Olympic Park studio on Sunday morning. He announced a piece of genuine good news, a further two years  of guaranteed funding for UK athletes that will underwrite the programme through to the next Olympics, yet he found himself under attack by the presenter Mishal Hussein, who didn’t seem to think that was long enough, and didn’t choose to hear Dave’s point that with an election in 2015, he isn’t in a position to give longer guarantees.

Every one of Ms Hussein’s questions seemed to begin with the word ‘But . . .’. Who knows whether she was briefed to be offensive, or she was simply pitching her hat into the ring for Paxo’s job, but whatever, she was rude, aggressive and out of step with the national mood. On top  of that the studio manager didn’t even give Dave a proper make-up job, (An oversight? Don’t you believe it.) so that after two minutes under the lights in the glass box his top lip was glistening, while his inquisitor sat serene in her full inch-thick slap. Some things never change.

Thanks for that, Marlene. I have no plans to quit, honest. I’ve never been to Calgary; that’s a matter of great regret, and one I hope to put right one day.

The guys at FIFA who claim to run world football have surely lost touch with reality, finally and irrevocably. Their latest global rankings announced today, show England in third place, behind only Spain and Germany and ten places clear of Brazil. Eh?

That’s nice of you; thanks very much. In fact the next one is done, and being prepared for publication next summer. Yes, I know, it’s a long way off, but I don’t control these things.

This reference will take you to an article in today’s Scottish Review, written by its editor Kenneth Roy.

http://www.scottishreview.net/index.shtml?utm_source=Sign-Up.to&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=274089-Islay+McLeod%2C+a+case+of+assault%2C+and+Strathclyde+Police++

Mr Roy is one of my country’s most respected journalists, and he would not publish such a story lightly. It tells a shocking and intolerable tale of indifference,  incompetence, and outright neglect of duty by a public authority. Given that the body in question is Strathclyde police service, it’s a matter of even greater concern.

It is all the more significant, because Scotland stands on the edge of the merger of its eight police forces into one single body, a move driven by the Justice Secretary, Kenny McAskill, without any significant public consultation or debate, and in the face of the disapproval of many senior police officers. It has been my view since its foundation, thirty-something years ago, that Strathclyde police service is itself too big for effective supervision and control from the top, and the outrageous treatment of the lady at the centre of this story can only endorse that opinion. As Mr Roy notes, the favourite to be appointed as head of the new single Scottish police service is Stephen House, current chief constable of Strathclyde. I have no doubt that he is a very competent policeman, and an equally competent manager. But if he can’t keep a grip of what is happening in Ayrshire, how can he, or anyone else, be expected to ensure that the public in Lerwick, or Aberdeen, or Dundee or Fort William or Achnasheen, etc., can feel safe in their communities?

Answer that, Mr McAskill, please, before proceeding with a folly that could make all of us rest a little less easily in our beds.

Last word on the young Chinese swimmer . . . I hope.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19116749

Finally . . . ‘As Easy as Murder’ known in our house as Primavera 3, is out in paperback.

It’s available from now  www.campbellreadbooks.com at 25% off cover price; bargain buy. And of course, every copy is signed by QJ. A click of the link on this page will take you straight there.

Another August 6 anniversary; 67 years ago today the first atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima. I have family in and from that city, so it’s not something I should let go by unobserved. It may have hastened the end of the war, but I’ve always believed that its use against a civilian population was a war crime.

One hundred years ago today, Margaret Weir Bell, known all her life as Gretta, was born in Bellshill, Scotland. Thirty-three years later, she gave birth to me. Eleven years ago, she passed away. RIP, Ma.

Not even I could make this up: from this morning’s Herald, courtesy of Doug Gillon:

‘The hopes of the defending champion and world No. 1, the USA’s LaShawn Merritt, fell flat, unhinged by a hamstring injury.

Merritt, who served a doping suspension for a drug contained in a penis enhancement cream, walked off after 200m.’

Speaking of being missed, someone who will be, by me at least, will be Ian Thorpe, who signed off from the BBC coverage at the conclusion of last night’s swimming session. All  the way through, the Thorpedo called it as he saw it, and if his co-presenters (usually Gary Lineker) said something crass or stupid, he was very quick to put them right, and inject some balance, reason and common sense into the situation. It’s probably past praying for, but the decision-makers at BBC could do a lot worse than keep him around for rest of the Games. As a multi-gold winner, he’d have a lot to contribute. I’m sure that Mr Lineker would not endorse my suggestion; in my eyes that makes it all the more valid.

What a night! I am certain that we’ll be hearing and seeing lots of Jessica and Mo for years to come. I fear we’ll hear less of Greg Rutherford, who also had the night of his life. I hope I’m wrong, because of the three, he was the one who exceeded expectations, and also because he did what was, and will remain, easily the best reaction interview of the Games. If you haven’t seen it, seek it out on the iPlayer. A display of honest, outright happiness with not a tear in sight; not to be missed.

I like Clare Balding. Usually she is a breath of fresh air on the public telly, when she’s dealing with subjects with which she’s familiar, mostly involving horses. But having her front poolside presentation of the Olympic swimming was a major mistake. Day one, she kicked off the Ye Shiwen controversy before the poor kid had time to dry off. Having got over that, just, she shot herself in the other foot last night by appearing to suggest that the brave Becky Adlington’s bronze medal had let swimmer and nation down. At the first opportunity, she was forced to apologise, abjectly on air, along with her co-presenter, Mark Foster, who had been drawn into it. Shame; I hope the damage to her BBC career isn’t permanent.

You’ve read all of me and all of Ian Rankin, and you’d like recommendations? Okay. If you like historical works, try Michael Jecks. Contemporary, (or occasionally post-apocalyptic), you might look at Paul Johnston, a fellow Scot. Then there’s Michael Dobbs, who turns out excellent thrillers when he’s not busy being a Lord. Val McDermid never fails, nor does Alex Gray. Finally, Linwood Barclay is on top of his game right now. Enough to be going on with?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/9449473/Lib-Dems-threaten-consequences-as-Tories-block-Lords-reform.html

I’m not a big fan of compromise government, never have been. When it results in a party with  57 Commons seats out of 650 trying to force through a piece of ill-considered electoral reform that has already been clearly rejected, I become a big opponent.

If the Lib Dems feel as strongly about the issue as they claim, they should withdraw from the coalition. Or maybe Dave should; minority government  can work.

A friend of mine, an eminent figure in the financial services industry, made an interesting point in discussion yesterday. If he’s right, and invariably, he is, now might be the time to consider your bank shareholdings. Potentially, the rate-fixing scandal could open the door to enormously costly litigation by those who may have suffered losses as a result. If that happens and goes all the way, lawyers will be the winners and ultimately, bank shareholders will be the losers.