Long listed
Without debating this case, if the Review is correct in saying that the Crown Office is dodging its legal obligations for up to four years, to take the heat off the Scottish Justice Department, that’s scandalous. Queen Nicola needs to act.
Scottish Review: Kenneth Roy
— Read on www.scottishreview.net/KennethRoy432a.html
Charmer
Gabriel
Strap yourselves in, I am about to go off on one.
Last week I placed a significant order with an outfit called Naked Wines to be delivered to my daughter. Yesterday I received an over-enthusiastic email from Eamon, ‘wine guy’, telling me to get the glasses out because ‘Woohoo!’ Naked’s courier, Yodel, had advised them that my wine had been delivered at 15:07. It had been left ‘in a safe place’.
At 15:08, my daughter arrived home. No delivery card had been left, nada, and no sign of her birthday present. Whatever place the driver chose (the back of the house, he was told) it couldn’t have been safer, for the box is untraceable. (If there’s champagne in it and my kid can’t find it, trust me it is.)
I got on to the Yodel no-help chat line and was told by an idiot by the name of Charlton that he couldn’t talk to me as I wasn’t the consignee. I told him as loudly as you can in a line of type that I was his fucking customer, but he’d cut me off by that time.
Next I called the Naked Wines Customer Happiness Team (!) but they had buggered off home for the weekend. Yes, an online business that works half the hours of your average convenience store.
Finally my daughter managed to get through to a different idiot on the Yodel comedy line. He must have been real for he was too stupid to be a computer. He told her that she was being treated as a priority and that they would interview the driver to find out what had happened… wait for it … within 48 hours.
I am past the angry stage now. All I can do is laugh, tell the world about it and make sure I never have anything to do with any of these cowboys, ever again.
By the way, I am what is known within Naked Wines as an Angel. That means that I sub them £20 a month. This together with everyone else’s £20 goes, we the heavenly choir are told, towards supporting independent wine growers. Obviously it really goes into a big pot that gives Naked the buying power to do sweet deals then offer us Angels special ‘Angel discounts’ based on inflated list prices. It took me about a month to figure out what was going on (I’m slow) but I stayed with it anyway, to give it a trial.
I happen to know an independent wine producer. I saw her last month at a wine fair and asked if she thought I was being ripped off. She gave it some thought, maybe two seconds, and then said ‘yes’.
Even before yesterday’s ongoing debacle I had decided to hang up my wings once I had flattened my balance. Instead my £20 a month, and maybe a bit more, will go into a pot, and I’ll buy directly from my friend’s domaine, and from some of the small bodegas in Empordà.
That way I’ll be even more of an angel, Eamon ‘Wine guy’, and his pals can send ‘Woohoo!’ Emails (they actually do that) to someone else, and I really will be helping small producers rather that feeding a dodgy business plan.
King
Every so often there’s one that makes me say ‘Yes!’, and I’m not talking about Dame Emma. Long overdue.
There will be blood
In case you haven’t heard, I will be sharing the stage with Denzil Meyrick at a Bloody Scotland 2018, with the inestimable Douglas Skelton also present to keep the audience in check. September 23, 12:45pm.
Asking for it
I’ve just seen a LIDL ad where kids ask Raheem Sterling and Gary Cahill, ‘Why are England’s goal celebrations so rubbish?’
Obvious answer: ‘Because they don’t get to do them very often.’
Now it can be revealed
The Spark Theatre is a new one on me, but I promise they will fly. I am more than happy that I’ll be accompanied by my good friend Brian Taylor.
www.edbookfest.co.uk/the-festival/whats-on/quintin-jardine-8-11867
Dock of the bay
Sat here at 9:30 this morning watching the time roll away I felt a sudden rush of concern that maybe I should get back to work. Then common sense reasserted itself. Next month will be fine.
Spurious
As I understand it this relates to the so-called governing body trousering so-called sanctioning fees for the right to contest one of their gaudy belts.
With friends like Rudy …
Skinner’s dinner
Stuck for ideas last night, so I improvised. One chopped onion fried in a pot in salt and pimenton dulce until golden. Pour in one brick of passata, add half an aubergine peeled and chopped, and basil, fresh if you have it, if not dried is fine. Next some sun-dried tomatoes and a couple of dozen small black olives, de-stoned. (De-stoning can be tedious but don’t worry if it’s messy for they’ll disappear in cooking.) Then take a small chicken breast and half a pork fillet. Cut each into one inch (no larger) cubes and add to the simmering sauce. Finally pour in what’s left of last night’s white wine and cook on the hob as gently as possible for 90 minutes. Serve with spaghetti, a little beyond al dente.
I hereby name it Pasta Chickenpig, and I will endeavour to persuade Theresa to add it to the Driftwood menu.
Chaos
The rail service must stop being a political issue. Government has to take the lot over and implement a system that works properly.
F******* nuts!
Kirstie who?
No idea, but from what I read here she’s another pointless attention seeker that nobody needs.
