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Beginning at home.

February 6, 2015 1 comment

A thought for the day. Charity shops are admirable enterprises, until they become the enemy.

North Berwick is one of many towns that used to have a bookshop but doesn’t any more; instead it has more charity shops than I can list here. When they become so prevalent that they have a negative effect on commercial retailers, there is legitimate cause for concern.

I’d like to see their operation licensed, with local councils given the responsibility of deciding when enough is enough.

Categories: General

A more humane Mikado

February 5, 2015 1 comment

This is only an idle thought, but . . .

Is death a logically suitable punishment for a failed suicide bomber?

Categories: General, Politics

Closed

February 3, 2015 Leave a comment

In common with millions, I’ve just had a communication from Peter Dawson, the outgoing Chief Executive of the Royal and Ancient. In it, he says that he and his masters, the custodians of the game of golf, are excited to be taking coverage of the Open Championship away from free-to-air terrestrial television and handing it to Sky, to swell the Dirty Digger’s obscene profits still further.

I knew the Open was screwed in 2014 when it came back to Gullane after a twelve-year absence. I couldn’t believe that it was possible for a paying (through the nose) punter to walk into the tented village, which used to be the greatest golf equipment exhibition of them all, and be unable to pick up and swing a golf club. I was astonished, and yet, under Dawson’s stewardship that’s what happened.

Now, as a final twist of the knife before he sashays off into retirement, he has overseen the taking of the people’s game, the people’s Championship, away from the people, and its delivery to the Great Satan.

‘Excited’, he says in his brazen ‘Open Letter’. ‘Ashamed’ would be more fitting, but he and his people don’t have a grasp of that concept.

Categories: General, Sport

Monkeys with keyboards

February 3, 2015 Leave a comment

YouGov has just told me that Bill Gates and Angelina Jolie, are, respectively, the most admired man and woman in the world. To me that is right up there with the one about an infinite number of monkeys eventually writing the complete works of Shakespeare.

By the way, in the female column HM the Queen came fourth, one behind Hillary Clinton and two ahead of Celine Dion. Among men, David Beckham and Stephen Hawking were ninth equal, and Cristiano Ronaldo was fifteenth. Lionel Messi didn’t get a mention, which puts the whole thing in perspective.

Categories: General, Politics, Sport

Blighted

February 3, 2015 Leave a comment

So Celtic reach the final of the Scottish League Cup where they’ll play Dundee United. And no sooner has the smoke cleared from the semi-finals that they buy two of the opposition’s best young players, who’ll be warming the bench at Celtic Park for the rest of the season.

There’s something wrong with that, but it’s nothing new. It’s been a blight on our game for decades.

However it’s almost matched by Mike Ashley turning Rangers into Newcastle United’s youth development partner.

Categories: Sport

Bob can’t wait

February 3, 2015 14 comments

I have news for Skinner fans.

The publication date of Last Resort, Bob’s twenty-fifth journey of self-discovery, has been brought forward. It will now appear in what publishers these days call ‘first format’, on April 9.

Categories: General

X marks the spot

February 3, 2015 2 comments

Three months to go and I have had enough.

I have never been a fan of fixed term parliaments. I liked the old system under which the incumbent Prime Minister could choose the moment to ask the electorate for a renewal of his mandate, or be forced to do so by the loss of a confidence vote in the Commons. Change, however, was forced upon us as a by-product of the rose garden agreement, the cobbled together coalition which has seen us through the last five years.

Has that administration worked? In some ways it has. Unfettered Toryism has been reigned in, the NHS and education, for all you hear to the contrary, are actually no worse than before, still doing a marvellous job in the face of interminable tinkering, our troops are no longer dying in Afghanistan, and the economy has made slow but steady progress. But now we’re at the sharp end, heading for a polling day that has been known for the last five years.

And we are saddled with an election campaign that began the moment that Ed Miliband judged that the voters had forgotten the destruction wrought by the last Labour Government, and might be prepared to allow his crew another chance, given the lack of a strong alternative, and the surge in Europhobia under Nigel Farage, every man’s idea of the archetypal pub bore.

Many weeks after the sparring began, we have just gone through the hundred day barrier. Three more almost interminable months stretch out before us; God help us all.

In common with nine out of every ten people that the pollsters will stop in the street, I know already how I’m going to vote. Nothing that I read, that I am told, or that I am shown in Party Propaganda Broadcasts is going to change that. With a view to securing the best possible future governance of Scotland, I will vote SNP, even at the risk if seeing a minority Labour government in Westminster. Whatever their individual allegiances, the great majority of people on our islands feel the same way, of that I have no doubt.

So please, can we cut the rest of the crap and vote tomorrow?

Categories: Politics

Music while I work

February 2, 2015 Leave a comment

Pablo Milanes — Definitive Collection. You’ve probably never heard of Pablo, unless you listen to Spanish radio, and even there he doesn’t get much air-time. That’s because he’s Cuban, and because his career has more or less coincided with the years of the revolution, of which he is a supporter. But, suppose ‘Yolanda’ is the only song of his you ever hear, it’ll be worth it.

Categories: General

Up yours, Tony

February 2, 2015 1 comment

i’m slightly narked with my Australian friends. None of them thought to share this diamond with me; the left me to come across it by chance.

Categories: Politics, Videos

Eulogy

January 31, 2015 Leave a comment

Tiger Woods’ 82 yesterday is being compared with his second worst score as a pro, his 81 at Muirfield. It shouldn’t be.

I was there when Tiger shot that earlier round . . . well, to be accurate I was there when he finished it by birdieing 17 and parring the last. When I saw the storm coming I did the local thing and went home till it passed over, because I knew how bad it was going to be. Tiger couldn’t; he had to play on through the unplayable, in waterproof gear that looked hopelessly unfit for the task in hand. His 81 was probably a couple under par for the conditions and next day he went round in 15 fewer shots.

What I saw in telly last night as he shot his 82 was a man who has lost it beyond redemption. Around  the greens he chipped like me; that’s not pretty, and I’m not kidding.

If he ever wins another golf tournament it will be a miracle. Thanks for the memories, Tiger.

Categories: Sport

Bashed

January 28, 2015 Leave a comment

I’ve just watched the fantastic last-ball finish of the final of Australian cricket’s fourth Big Bash League. I’m sorry it’s over for another year, but at the same time, I’m pleased to have my mornings back.

All the English players who’ve been in Australia taking part have come home saying the same thing; that domestic cricket has to adopt the franchise system and organise its T20 competition along the same lines as the model that has proved so popular there and in India. As far as I can discern, none of the decision-makers are listening. They’d rather play four-day county games all summer before empty grounds.

Categories: Sport

Colourful

January 28, 2015 Leave a comment

News from the front: my political satire, ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow‘, published by Portador Books and available from Amazon and CampbellReadBooks.com, is currently inside the top twenty of the Kindle political fiction list.

Thanks to those who put it there and thanks in advance to those who’ll help push it higher. All it takes is a couple of clicks; links to the right, on this page.

Categories: General, Politics

Bluetoothless

January 27, 2015 1 comment

I drove through Figueras the other day, behind the biggest bull-dozer cum excavator I have ever seen on any public highway. Overtaking was impossible; it took up a full lane and part of another, with its driver sitting on top, encased in a  perspex box.

It must have been bloody difficult to drive, even more so since the guy was on the phone all the way.

Categories: General

Sorry friends, but it’s not my fault

January 19, 2015 4 comments

In Scotland, BT is my internet provider. I run my email though a separate Gmail account, but the BT package comes with a built in email address. I have never used it, and yet it has been hacked three times, and used to send spam mail. ‘How can this be?’ you ask. Well, it seems that the BT account automatically copies my Gmail contacts, and uses them.

After the first incident I deleted all contacts from the account, but the damn thing went and did it again.

Finally after the third hacking, I went into the BT system and closed the email account; I took the address out of play altogether. Or so I thought. This morning, that deleted account was hacked again. I don’t know what to do any more, and I’m stuck with the infuriating problem, since I’ve just renewed with them for another year.

So here’s my message. Be as entranced as you like by Simon and all the other twats in the BT tv ads. Be as sold as you like on the Superfast, To Infinity and Beyond service that they offer. But never forget this. BT Internet security is bloody useless.

Categories: General

Cutting it fine

January 16, 2015 Leave a comment
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.  One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.  One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment.  They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.
Father Torpey, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.
‘Well,’ he said, ‘I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.  Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around.  So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb.  The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.’
Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.
In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, ‘WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don’t sprinkle!  I went out and I FOUND me a bear.  And then I began to read to my bear from God’s HOLY WORD!  But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.  So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle.  We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek.  So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul.  And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb.  We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him.  He was in really bad shape.
The Rabbi looked up and said: “Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start.”
Categories: General

Gracias

January 13, 2015 Leave a comment

My thanks to everyone on the staff of the the CAP in L’Escala, and the ER in Figueras Hospital who dealt so well and so swiftly with the consequences of Eileen’s accident yesterday. Now she has a plaster on her broken foot and will be on crutches until it’s time to go back to Scotland, but compared to last year it’s minor.

Categories: General

Skin-tight

January 10, 2015 Leave a comment

Anyone who hasn’t seen it but has the opportunity to watch the replay today’s Australian Big Bash League game should put everything else aside. Tightest finish I’ve ever seen to a game of cricket, and maybe the tightest ever.

Categories: Sport

Machine-gunned in both feet

The BBC (Health warning; it’s Nick Robinson) is reporting that David Cameron is refusing to participate in TV debates during the General Election unless the Green Party is given a place also.

I have two comments to make about that.

One, Cameron is trying to sabotage the debates because it has finally dawned on the simpleton that he has  absolutely nothing to gain from them and everything to lose.

Two, the Green Parties in England and Wales and in Scotland are separate entities, under separate leadership. Since you can bet that DC does not envisage both Natalie Bennett and Patrick Harvie (especially not Patrick Harvie) taking part, his reported stance undermines completely the cosy consensus that has been cobbled together by the Tories, Labour, and Lib Dems to exclude Nicola Sturgeon from the TV line-up.

There are few certainties about May 7, but one is that the SNP will wind up with many more seats than the Greens. In all probability it will form a larger parliamentary bloc than UKIP. Even my fair-minded friends on the No side of the independence question might agree with me that something stinks about the whole proposition.

Categories: Politics

Confusion

I’ve been following the Ched Evans case, and I can’t help feeling that somewhere the legal process has  got it wrong. There are some professions from which a rape conviction would mean an automatic life ban, but in most it’s left to society to sort out what is acceptable and what is not. The way things stand, Evans is free to pursue employment, but doors are being slammed in his face, largely by potential employers’ commercial sponsors.

That’s fair enough, but should it have been left to them? Couldn’t the sentencing judge have imposed a penalty that included a fixed term ban from working in any profession with or alongside any person under 21? That would have been devious but effective.

Categories: General

Music while I work

Echoes of the Outlaw Roadshow – Counting Crows. I’m back in Spain for a few weeks, working, and at the stage where I have a lunch break, then start again. Today’s interval choice as I sat in the sun, (sorry) was the most recent live album by my favourite still-working American band, but here’s how disciplined I was. I only allowed myself the first three tracks.

Categories: General